You can tell a good piece of fruit or vegetable by its color and by its feel. The avocado might be the trickiest one I know. A novice might think that a bright green, hard avocado is the best, but counter-intuitively, the best avocados are dark, with shades of brown, giving easily to the touch. The heart of a growing Christian also gives easily to the touch.

No one comes to see a counselor or pastor to talk about their problems not wanting success, but the state of our hearts so often resists the very thing we want. A soft heart can turn my mediocre counsel into pearls of wisdom. A hard heart will turn the wisest counsel ever offered into sawdust.

Solomon offers encouragement and a warning, “Blessed is the one who fears the Lord always, but whoever hardens his heart will fall into calamity” (Prov. 28:14). It’s easy to see this in others’ lives, isn’t it? We observe a friend responds to loss by numbing themselves with food and we worry about how they are shutting down. We watch as a family member poorly chooses their friends and we are concerned about the pit they are driving toward.

And yet, when it comes to our own hard hearts, we are often blind. We excuse our unhealthy behavior as an aberration, not a pattern. We don’t think we are shutting down when we scroll through social media or watch Netflix for growing chunks of time.

How hard is your heart? Do you have a sense if it is harder or softer than it was a month ago? A year ago? A decade ago? A heart that is submitted to God is a softening heart.

At the center of every hard heart is pride. God warns Ezekiel, “But the house of Israel will not be willing to listen to you, for they are not willing to listen to me: because all the house of Israel have a hard forehead and a stubborn heart” (Ezek. 3:7). Do you laugh off being hard-headed? Strong-willed? I have at times. I ought to pause and not be so flippant. God’s work in me is at stake.

A proud heart grows harder by resisting the work of the Spirit and trusting itself. Scripture calls this "quenching the Spirit." In 1 Thessalonians 5:19, Paul simply says, “Do not quench the Spirit.” He continues, “Do not despise prophecies, but test everything; hold fast to what is good” (1 Thess. 5:20). When we submit ourselves to God’s truth (his prophecies), testing everything in light of his truth (and not ours), and clinging to what is genuinely good, then our hearts will soften.

Charles Spurgeon once noted, “The same sun that melts wax hardens clay. And the same Gospel which melts some persons into repentance hardens other in their sins.” God pursues us in mercy, love, and truth. As God shines the light of the gospel, a soft heart grows softer still. As God comes after the proud, a hard heart grows harder still.

How do we soften our hearts? By growing in humility.

Perhaps one of the strongest multipliers of humility in my heart is thanksgiving. Right before Paul urges the Thessalonians not to quench the Spirit, he offers a path to a humble heart. He encourages them to, “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you” (1 Thess. 5:16-18). A rejoicing, prayerful, thankful heart is a soft and humble heart.

Do you want to fight hardness? Saturate your life with prayer and gratitude.

You may also appreciate:

Watching Wisdom Grow

Photo by Isabella and Zsa Fischer on Unsplash