identity

Do You Have a Graduate in Your Life?

Do You Have a Graduate in Your Life?

We are feeling all the feels. Our youngest, Soren, is about to graduate from high school. This has been a season of reflection for Angel and me and a season of preparation. In our children’s ministry hallways at New Life next to each age level we have containers that represent how many days of influence remain for you as a parent before your child launches. I recognize, of course, that there is no finish line for parenting, but one’s influence and role changes significantly in each season.

 As we look back on our parenting, the most important things we taught our children were who God is and who they were.

The Long Journey of Self-Knowledge in a Culture of Confusion

The Long Journey of Self-Knowledge in a Culture of Confusion

“We are currently experiencing the largest and fastest religious shift in US history. It is greater than the First and Second Great Awakening and every revival in our country combined...but in the opposite direction.” This is the conclusion of the largest and most comprehensive study of dechurching in America by sociologists Ryan Burge and Paul Djupe. In The Great DeChurching, pastors Jim Davis and Michael Graham unpack why and how over the past twenty-five years, forty million of those who formerly attended church no longer do so.

Can Discovering Ourselves Help Us Discover God?

Can Discovering Ourselves Help Us Discover God?

There is no topic we love discussing more than ourselves. The self-discovery industry has never had more pull than it does in the contemporary West.

 

Christians might be tempted to push back on all of the obsession of self-discovery and reject it as ungodly. John Calvin, the 16th-century French Reformer, would disagree with this assessment.  In the first chapter of Calvin’s Institutes, the Reformed theologian makes a point about self-understanding and our relationship that might surprise you.

Can We Choose Our Identity?

Can We Choose Our Identity?

On October 17, Angel and my first book, Trading Faces: Removing the Masks that Hide Your God-Given Identity releases. Below is an excerpt. May God invite us deeper in knowing him as we discover who we are in him.

 

Daniel Day Lewis is known as one of the most committed method actors of our time. When he takes on a role, he embodies the character not only on camera but off camera, and he only responds to his character’s name. For the movie In the Name of the Father, Day-Lewis lost fifty pounds and spent three days in solitary confinement without water.

Trading Faces Identity Quiz

Trading Faces Identity Quiz

So, who are you? Many respond to that question by sharing their roles: “I am a mom.” “I am a dad.” “I am a sister.” “I am a wife.” “I am a husband.” “I am a lawyer.” “I am a teacher.” “I am an athlete.”

It’s not surprising that we answer the question this way. One of the first questions we ask children is “What do you want to be when you grow up?” It’s a fine question, but by asking it over and over again, we teach kids that they are what they do. We coach our children to substitute roles for true identities.

This Week's Recommendations

This Week's Recommendations
  1. 7 Lessons I’ve Carried From ‘Narnia’: Kaitlin Miller begins with this lesson, “Grief is Great: In The Magician’s Nephew, Digory, in deep despair over his mother’s illness, is shocked when the great Lion bends down with such great shining tears that Digory felt the Lion may have been even more sorrowful.”

  2. Can You Share the Gospel with Sexual Sinners Without Sounding Like a Bigot? Alen Shlemon shares, “Part of the reason for expecting people to get upset by your convictions on sexual matters is that people closely connect their identity with their sexuality.”

  3. The Many Odd Uses and Abuses of Matthew 18: Keith Evans explains what Jesus’s important passage on confronting the sins of your brother means and doesn’t mean. For instance, “Jesus addresses public persons publicly. Recall his scathing condemnation of Herod (Luke 13:32), or his many public “woes” (i.e. “curses”) pronounced upon the pharisees (cf. Matt 23:13-39). We can almost hear the modern Christian retort: ‘Yes, Jesus, but did you confront all of them privately first?!’”

  4. When Self-Care Becomes Self-Absorption: Trevin Wax helps provide some perspective here on where generations can swing too far in either direction. He begins, “I saw a funny video recently that joked about the generational shift in how we view practices of self-care and therapy. In the old days: ‘You’re in therapy? What’s wrong with you?’ Today: ‘You’re not in therapy? What’s wrong with you?’”

  5. Painters who aren’t parents vs. painters who actually have kids: Ha!

To My Freshman Self

To My Freshman Self

Hi high school freshman me! It is future college freshman you, writing to encourage you in hard truths that you're going to wrestle with over the next four years.

As I begin college, I am borderline-overwhelmed with the repercussions and magnitude of my sin patterns. On many occasions I have found myself giving in to my urge to please people, adapting who I am to a “better” version of myself so that people can only see the side of me that best fits my surrounding environment. I have found myself tempering my boldness. I have suppressed my passion, my ambition, and most of all, my relationship with Christ.

This Week's Recommendations

This Week's Recommendations
  1. Why the Search for the Church that Meets Your Needs is Futile: Carey Nieuwhof asks, “Should the criteria of a church meeting your needs be the reason you change churches? Well, what if the church was never intended to meet your needs? What if the furthest thing from God’s mind when he created the church was to meet your needs?”

  2. Why You Should Name and Feel Even Negative Emotions: Lara D’Entremont reflects, “I rarely dealt with or named my emotions—at least not the “negative” ones. They had to be killed, banished, ignored, and stuffed. I learned this from both Christian circles (like the counselor above) and my own fears. I didn’t want others to see my emotions. Negative emotions always equaled sin and weakness in my mind, a reason for people to look down their noses at me. So I tried to kill my negative feelings with kindness—or gratitude. But what if there’s goodness in every emotion—even in the ones we don’t like so much?”

  3. Expressive Individualism and the Death of Mental “Illness” Samuel James’s point is worth considering. He says, “Here’s one guess: Personality profiling is the last politically-acceptable way of receiving an identity, rather than crafting one. And many people today are weary of crafting their own custom identity and would very much like to belong to something instead.”

  4. Prayers That God Will Not Answer: Tim Challies begins, “There are times when it seems like God does not hear us. There are times when it seems like God has become deaf to our prayers and unresponsive to our cries. There are times when we seek but do not find, knock but do not find the door opened. Why is it that God sometimes does not answer our prayers?”

  5. Beneath Our Social Justice Strife: Thaddeus Williams has four questions for both sides. He begins, “Over the last five years, the topic of social justice has become something of a jackhammer in some churches, reducing congregations to rubble, shaking denominations, even fracturing fellowship between old friends. Online cloisters have formed in which anyone to our left must be a social-justice-warrior snowflake or a neo-Marxist. And, in other cloisters, anyone to our right is probably a white supremacist or a neo-Nazi. Meanwhile, the exhausted majority feels caught in the crossfire, hoping for some new way forward.”

Signaling Our Consumption

Signaling Our Consumption

I still remember how aghast my dad was when the Nike Swoosh became prominently displayed on apparel. “I can’t believe people are paying money to be walking advertisements!” he said in disbelief, “Nike should be paying them!”

No one bats an eye at such branding any longer. A brand stands not just for the product itself, it is a social signal, marketing not just the company, but the consumer.[i]

“Nowadays you shouldn’t have a company that is not contributing in some fashion or form or sense to a cause, because the people today who buy a product, they want to know what you have done for somebody else lately,”[ii] Fubu’s Daymond John reflected on his experience investing through Shark Tank.

Dear Graduate, Where You Go Doesn't Define Who You Are

Dear Graduate, Where You Go Doesn't Define Who You Are

Congratulations class of 2021! You did it! Few graduating classes have been through stranger years before they donned their caps and gowns.

As high school graduates of the class of 1997 and 1999, the most significant thing to happen during our high school years was probably the rise of AOL (ask your mom and dad about the joys of dial-up internet). Your COVID-19 years have us beat . . . by a long shot.

Whether you are graduating high school or college, you’ve been asked countless times and will be asked countless more: what’s next? Where are you going?

Maybe you have a set course. You are already rocking that U of A t-shirt and you are confident in four short years your photo will flash on the jumbotron at Arizona Stadium as you walk across the platform, Mechanical Engineering degree in hand. Or, as a college grad, maybe you’ve already said yes to that job offer from Tucson Unified School District and you’re ready to take on the world and 24 third graders.

Maybe you have no clue. You rack your brain to find clarity when Uncle Ryan prods, “So, what’s next?”