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On Critiquing Your Pastor

On Critiquing Your Pastor

When I was 20, my childhood church went through changes in leadership and its vision. I was across the country in the middle of my undergraduate studies in Bible and theology. In my infinite experience and knowledge of leadership (sarcasm alert!), I generously offered my wisdom free-of-charge and wrote a letter to the new lead pastor. I'm still embarrassed by that letter.

The pastor never responded to my letter, but my hunch is he never forgot it. I've never been able to create a relationship with him, and my guess is that he has intentionally kept me at arm's length after that letter. I don't blame him.

Twenty years later, I'm no stranger to being on the receiving end of those letters (and emails, Facebook messages, texts, etc.). During these past few strange months under the cloud of COVID-19, I've received more feedback than any other season of ministry. Every letter is an opportunity for me as a leader to grow in wisdom and humility. But every message takes an emotional and spiritual toll as well. These current events have caused me to reflect on that embarrassing letter and how I might do things differently if I could.

Here are five questions I wish I could have asked my 20-year-old self before he sent that critical letter:

1. How close is your relationship?

The truth is, I was merely an acquaintance with the pastor. Was it wise for my first real communication to be criticism? Recently I hosted one of our online services and one anonymous commenter left only one comment for the entire service: it was a criticism of the sound mix. I private messaged them, but never received a response. I passed on the comment to the tech team, but the hit-and-run comment left me no relational recourse as a pastor.