Outside of Christian music, the song that I’ve most often heard played at funerals is a 55-year-old song from the Great American Songbook. In 1969 Frank Sinatra released “I Did it My Way.” At 53 years old, he reflected back on his life and determined that while he had some regrets, the most important thing is that he did it his own way.
… And now, the end is near
And so I face the final curtain
My friend, I'll say it clear
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain
I've lived a life that's full
I traveled each and every highway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way
… Regrets, I've had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption
I planned each charted course
Each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way
… For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows
And did it my way
… Yes, it was my way
Sinatra indeed did it his “way.” Frank Sinatra was married four times with numerous extramarital affairs. He was moody, selfish, petty, and violent. His good friend Anthony Quinn said Sinatra had a “cruel streak.” For most of his life he did not believe in "a personal God to whom I look for comfort or for a natural on the next roll of the dice.”[i]
Sinatra is not alone in his self-assuredness. His mantra might have no better reception than the current cultural zeitgeist. In 2019, Kelly Clarkson released “Couldn’t be Better,” a sound that echoes Sinatra’s sentiment.
Hello gorgeous, let's check out how you look today
Who's that person in the glass, staring back your way?
Sure it's you, but just take in that view and woah
Girl, you couldn't look better
Shake the sleep off, and kick into the morning drill
Throw on anything, and boom, now you're dressed to kill
Hit the street, got the world at your feet and woah
Things just couldn't be better
There's no need for hesitation
Life is come as you are and you're a one of a kind sensation
…Look around you, so many things to do and try
No one's judging and the rules really don't apply
Take a bite of whatever feels right and woah
Yeah, it couldn't taste better
Choose the path you want and take it (and take it)
If you don't fit the mold, doesn't matter, go on and break it
Yes, it's a square peg life in a round hole town
But it all couldn't be any sweeter (sweeter)
You may be upside-backwards and wrong side-down
But it just couldn't feel more completer
And there's so much to do
And isn't it such bliss?
Did you catch that line in the middle?
Look around you, so many things to do and try
No one's judging and the rules really don't apply
Take a bite of whatever feels right and woah
Yeah, it couldn't taste better
But the serpent said to Clarkson, “‘You will not surely die’” (Gen. 3:4). So when Sinatra “saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise,” Frank “took of its fruit and ate” (Gen. 3:6).
I recently read Oprah Winfrey and Bruce Perry’s book on trauma and healing, What Happened to You? The book wrestles with the important question, “why do we make poor choices?” and finds the answer in trauma. There is truth in the consequential impact of trauma of our lives. All of us have been scarred in some way by trauma and doubtless it can lead us to make poor choices that negatively impact ourselves and others. But the problem with this contemporary view is that it reduces our complexity. We are all, by nature, good, Oprah and Perry argue. That which is bad, is that which has been done to us.
In other words: tails, I win, heads, you lose. Along with Sinatra and Clarkson, this model of the world claims that we all ought to cut our own path in this world, shine our own light. And those regrets? They’re really not our fault, it’s the fault of what was done to us.
The Bible has a very different perspective. Certainly, we have all experienced trauma, the impact of others’ poor choices on our lives. But we also have chosen the bad of our own free will. We deceive ourselves when we think our own light is sufficient to light our way. Our light is insufficient to guide our way. We need another light, the true light. Isaiah warns us:
Who among you fears the Lord
and obeys the voice of his servant?
Let him who walks in darkness
and has no light
trust in the name of the Lord
and rely on his God.
Behold, all you who kindle a fire,
who equip yourselves with burning torches!
Walk by the light of your fire,
and by the torches that you have kindled!
This you have from my hand:
you shall lie down in torment (Isaiah 50:10-11)
Sinatra and Clarkson’s lie is not their own. It is the first lie of the serpent, and a lie that has echoed through the corridors of time. And the end of all who seek to do it their own way will be the same. God will allow you to “walk by the light of your fire, and by the torches you have kindled” (Is. 50:11). And this will be your judgment, that in doing it your own way, “you shall lie down in torment” (Is. 50:11).
Doing it “my way” isn’t freedom: it’s the judgment of God. The very moment we think we have most become ourselves, we have in fact fallen into bondage from the most well-worn lie of our ancient enemy.
Ironically, it appears that late in life Sinatra recanted his ode. After the death of his mother, appeared to turn to God and became a practicing Roman Catholic. After trying to do it his own way for decades, Sinatra repented and did it God’s way. It’s a lesson that has been lost to history as many continue to choose to live by the light of the young, arrogant Sinatra.
Don’t be duped by the oldest lie. Don’t do it your way. Don’t light your own torch. Your path will lead to your destruction.
[i] “The Personal Life of Frank Sinatra, Wikipedia, , https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personal_life_of_Frank_Sinatra.
You may also appreciate:
Photo by Alesan Aboafash on Unsplash