The story of Joseph begins with Joseph pasturing the flock with four of his half-brothers, sons of Leah and sons of Rachel's maidservants (Gen. 37:2). Immediately, one suspects that this isn't a good mix: "Now Israel[i] loved Joseph more than any other of his sons" (Gen. 37:3). Israel's favorite was hanging out with four second-rate[ii] brothers. Indeed, we are told that "when his brothers saw that their father loved [Joseph] more than all his brothers, they hated him and could not speak peacefully to him" (Gen. 37:4). Unsurprisingly, the situation takes a quick turn for the worse. His brothers plot to murder Joseph (Gen.37:20-21), but then instead sell him into slavery (Gen. 37:28).
Have you ever felt forsaken or rejected by a parent like one of Joseph's brothers? Could you imagine the claws of envy that would clutch at your heart wanting to be loved as deeply as your sibling? Do you hear negative scripts play in your head? "You'll never be as good as him." "Father will never love you like that." Even the names of their moms likely played into the trap of jealousy. Rachel (Joseph’s mother) was the "ewe lamb," but Leah was the "wild cow," and the two maidservants' names also spoke diminishment: Zilpah the "drop," and Bilhah, "trouble."
Over my years of counseling, I've been surprised how many have childhood and adulthood wounds from their father. Even fathers who are relatively good dads often leave scars on their children’s hearts. My own father is a wonderful, godly man, more often meek than weak. My unfair perception of his meekness as weakness led to a growing frustration with him and a fear that I would become him.
Often, in moments that required courage, a loop would play in my head, "Beeson men are weak." My father never spoke like this. I allowed the enemy’s distortion to lead me to many cowardly decisions.
What negative scripts play in your thought life? Might they be connected to a wound from your father? Our earthly father is the first representation of our heavenly Father. Therefore, a father plays an outsized role in speaking identity over us. The accuser unsurprisingly often chooses to use our father’s voice to speak lies to us to attempt to undermine our identity in Christ.
How do we combat these lies?
1. Heal your relationship with your father.
What do you need to forgive your father for? Are there issues that you have buried out of fear or shame? Step forward in forgiveness and with a heart of reconciliation and do your part in working to heal the relationship with your father. Wounds buried alive don’t die - they hold power over us.
2. Repent of speaking lies.
Just as we need to repent when we speak uncharitably, harshly, or rudely toward someone else, we need to repent of allowing the enemy a megaphone for his falsehoods.
3. Begin speaking truth over yourself.
We are called to be truth-tellers not just to others, but also to ourselves. In the epistles, we see the apostles speak truth about themselves and about their audience. In 1 John, John refers to those he is writing to as "children" (often "little children") thirteen times and "beloved" another six times. How we speak to ourselves matters.
My wife Angel and I believe that understanding who we are in Christ is a significant theme in the New Testament that contemporary Christians too often flatten. It is for this reason we wrote Trading Faces: Removing the Masks that Hide Your God-Given Identity. We have been so encouraged by the responses of those who have shared how they have begun to change the way they speak about themselves. If you struggle with having falsehoods echo in your heart, perhaps Trading Faces might be a springboard to giving God's truths about who you are a megaphone in your heart.
[i] God renames Jacob Israel later in life, after he wrestles with God (Gen. 35:10).
[ii] In Jacob’s eyes, not in truth.
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