Nearly two years ago my mom retired as Department Head of Speech and Hearing Sciences at the University of Arizona.. My mom is one of the most skilled leaders I’ve had the chance to learn from. Here is my interview with her on leadership lessons she learned over the decades.
When did you first think of yourself as a leader?
The first leadership position I had was serving in student council in junior high. I didn’t think of it as much as leadership as the fact that I got involved. I cared. I liked the people and because of that I was happy to serve. I’ve always thought that leadership is more about caring than about the desire to revolutionize something.
Over the course of high school and college I was asked to serve in various leadership capacities and was always happy to do so. Even as department head, I led because it was a service I was asked to do it. I knew I could do it. And I was willing to lead.
How do you view your calling as a leader?
I know that I’ve been given gifts. Perhaps my strongest gifts are relational. I have always worked well with people. One thing that has come naturally for me that many people don’t seem to do well is working with people higher up. It has never scared me because I’ve just seen them as people like everyone else.
I find leadership interesting and rewarding. One of my favorite parts of my job is the collegiality. I didn’t need to be the person up front. But I always knew what I wanted people to feel and experience. I wanted to make them feel connected and cared for. And I am good at it because of some level of sensitivity of what it’s like to be on the other side. Empathy is so important. The best leaders lead like pastors.
One of the most meaningful compliments I’ve received at the end of my tenure as department head came from a colleague. She simply said, “You had a way of making everybody feel like they belonged.” That was so encouraging, because that was what I always hoped.
Those are gifts the Lord gave me. When you know that God has given you those gifts, you know it’s part of your calling. You can’t just sit on it.
What did you like most about leadership?
The thing that I like the best is the opportunity to affirm people. I value being an encourager. That’s not a role that will stop when I am no longer the department head.
One of the opportunities being department head afforded me was having a broader perspective to learn what people were doing. There was always a chance to to affirm others. I grew to understand and appreciate many faculty I didn’t know well before.
How did you become the department head?
All of us know what we need in a leader. It needs to be somebody that we can trust. They need to have the skills coupled with the right temperament and strong ethics.
When it came time for a transition in our department, I happened to be the one that had the constellation of those attributes and was far enough along in my career. There were people in our department who were junior or mid-career who would make good heads, but they weren’t far enough along.
There were others who had leadership giftings, but people didn’t trust their discernment. There were others who weren’t willing to take the responsibility. It takes a combination of capability plus trust.
Trust is important. How did you develop the ability to gain trust?
I think it was a natural thing. However, on the rare occasion where you realize that someone doesn’t trust you, it’s like “whoa! What in my behavior prompted that?” I never thought about intentionally gaining trust.
But I have had to think about it more in the last couple of years. It seems that this new generation of students have a strong default toward distrust. Their distrust is rooted in any power differential. They infer that power makes you untrustworthy. It’s too bad that they didn’t know me when I was like them. I’ve tried to build bridges of trust, but that is much harder to do when the assumption toward those in power is negative rather than positive or neutral.
Was this the biggest change in your leadership over your years as department head?
Yes. It is a minority of students. But it made my final year frustrating and why I wouldn’t want to be head right now. You can’t do anything about it. It’s not because of something I did. It’s an assumption of those in leadership. What is causing someone to think there is an ulterior motive? I’m not sure. There are cultural shifts, perhaps there are those who themselves tend toward deception and the misuse of power, and so they project that on others.
I always felt I had a pastoral responsibility for the students and for the faculty. I grew into that. You are pastor for your faculty. It’s a challenge when they act out and don’t know it.
How did your gender impact your leadership?
I’ve been blessed to serve in a context where my gender was never a big issue. I am grateful to have never felt like I was put in my place because I am a woman.
How did being a mom prepare you for leadership?
Oh it sure did. For one thing, I was dealing with students and there were periods of time they were older than you and your sister, then the same age, then younger. It was very easy to relate to parents of my students. The other thing is that when you discipline children, where you have to be strict, but you really aren’t mad. There were some things with faculty that were just like that. I knew that I didn’t need to be emotional, but I did need to communicate that what they did was unacceptable. I don’t know how I would have learned that without being a parent.
I just don’t think you can knock someone to the ground and expect your relationship to pick back up where it was. You have to discipline out of care.
Parenting teaches you how to care while you are in authority.
How did your faith impact your leadership?
I didn’t feel like I had to be the leader. If this world was all there was, then I think that’s where things like ambition come in. You think this is what it’s all about. My faith was important because I knew that this isn’t what it’s all about. I knew that when it was really hard I needed get my self-worth from the Lord and not from people. Now, that’s hard. We all want people to see us the way we want them to see us.
Faith is a grounding. I was surprised that I could be a leader and be a person of faith and it wasn’t a problem. I can care for those who are very different from meout of my love for Christ. It is edifying to love those who are far from God who know that you are a person of faith. It’s amazing to me that the Lord allowed me to love all sorts of people.
The environment has gotten more and more hostile. You have to earn the right to be heard and your witness has to be solid.
What is the hardest part of leadership?
Being criticized. Constructive feedback is fine. But it’s hard to be criticized when those you are leading don’t know the full picture. People can make assumptions without knowing.
Did you expect that to be the case?
Apparently I didn’t, because it took me by surprise. There are still things that hurt.
What is the easiest part of leadership?
The collegiality. I love being part of a team bigger than me.
What is the legacy you are most proud of leaving behind?
The process of leading is always looking forward to the next thing you are trying to build. What is hard is that you are always looking forward to the next thing. But then you look back and realize the season before was the best part. It’s hard to see that at the time.
I thought that I would have gotten to the end of the term and I would have been able to answer what I’m most proud of leaving behind. But I can’t. I wanted us to get to the place where we had helped the physical needs, the staff support, the financial support, and that the level of collegiality would be really high.
We accomplished a lot of physical improvements. I felt that people should have a work environment that was pleasant and respectful. We were able to provide tools that removed obstacles for the faculty.
But we didn’t accomplish everything I was hoping for. That is disappointing. There was some poison in there the final year. We had this stuff that came in there, this unrest that can make it feel as though we took a bit step back.
In Leadership in Turbulent Times [Doris Kearns Goodwin’s excellent book about the leadership of four presidents] you see that leaders can peak. They didn’t get to end on the note that they wanted to. You have to let it go.
I had no trouble transitioning out. I was happy to lead, but I am happy following as well.
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