Family

Choosing 8

Choosing 8

I am blessed to have so many special people in my life. My sister (Sarah) and her husband (Anders) are two such people. At age 22, they might have been two of the least likely people you could have imagined to be where they are today: homeschool parents of eight kids. Both coming from families of four, Sarah was enrolled in medical school on the way to becoming a doctor. It seemed as likely they would hit the lottery than they would choose the path to become the family they have become. I had the opportunity to sit down with Sarah and Anders and listen to the story of how God led them to choose to have eight kids.

I hope as you read this you might consider where God is calling you and where he is asking you to trust him in your life right now. Where is he inviting you into deeper faith?

Tell me the story of how you two fell in love.

Anders (A): It all started at your (John’s) wedding. We had a lot of time to talk and have fun together. We clicked and deeper conversations were natural. I left that week feeling like Sarah was somebody I really wanted to get to know more. We emailed for six months until I graduated. Then, I moved out to Phoenix to be near you and Angel. I was shy and didn’t want to put any pressure on Sarah, but I wanted to be closer to her. We got to spend a lot of time together that summer and I got to know her really well.

Right before she went back to Stanford in the fall, we finally had our first date.

Disney Shirts and Being Part of Something Big

Disney Shirts and Being Part of Something Big

My daughter’s wish for her senior-year fall break was to go to Disneyland. Once we reserved our hotel, bought tickets for Disneyland, and arranged our schedules, I thought the planning was over. It was not. Camille (my daughter) and Angel (my wife) began spending quite a bit of time perusing Disney apparel online. It turns out we weren’t just going to show up at Disneyland in any old outfit, we were going in style. And we were going to match.

I was handed my Mickey Mouse shirt as we packed and told this was what I would wear (I would be matching our son, Soren). Camille and Angel, meanwhile, wore matching Minnie ears and red tank tops. It seemed a little over-the-top to me, but I’ll do anything for my family. On the day of our Disney adventure, we woke up early, got into the virtual queue for the Star Wars ride (which happened to be the best ride at the park—don’t miss it!), and strode out of our hotel down Disney Way. It was then I began to notice something: we were not alone. We passed group after group in matching outfits. “Ahhhh,” I thought, “this is what people do!”

The phenomenon is startling. No less than half of those at the park were decked out in Disney paraphernalia, and most of those who are wearing Disney gear are doing so in coordination with those they came with. On top of shelling out a few hundred dollars to enter the immersive world of Disneyland, people pay Disney more money to buy their shirts, ears, and princess dresses to show just how much they love Disney.

And, of course, the spending doesn’t stop there. There are Disney pins, lightsabers, and hats (the one with Donald Duck’s bill doubling for the cap bill had me smiling) to be procured. Disney turns the apathetic into consumers, consumers into fans, and fans into ambassadors.

How? And why are we all too willing to follow along?

This Week’s Recommendations

This Week’s Recommendations
  1. Husbands, Be Like Adam: Usually we consider the ways Adam failed as a husband. But he did succeed in at least one way. Aaron Sironi explains that, “When we experience a dire situation, we are tempted to wallow in shame and to despair and turn against others. We must remember and believe God’s promises and his Good News, but not just for ourselves. We must turn in faith and love and speak with hopeful confidence to those around us.”

  2. I’m Not All That Awesome: Adam Ramsey explains, “The gospel means that I’m not all that awesome. But I am loved. And that’s awesome. The gospel frees me to be honest about the ways I fall short instead of being crushed by them, because it reminds me that Jesus was crushed for me.”

  3. I Do Ordinary Work: Dan Doriani explains that ordinary work is beautiful work. He concludes, “So let us lay down the deflating rhetoric of “I just” and affirm the value of ordinary work. Let us also look to change our corner of the world, even if our corner is modest and only a few notice what we do. If our Lord sees it, that should be enough.”

  4. Fear No Evil: My friend Anne Imboden reflects on fear that grabs our heart and how to navigate it. She says, “Fear comes in two forms: rational and irrational. When we’re young, irrational fears are common. Monsters under our bed, for example. I myself had a ridiculously irrational fear of swallowing pills. I was sure the pill, however small it was, would lodge itself in my throat and I would suffocate. I insisted on taking all medicines in liquid form until I was in high school.”

  5. How Do We Overcome Sexual Sin? Bob Kelleman points us to analyze our longings. He says, “Jesus knows all about all of us. As our Creator, He knows that our core issue is a worship issue. That’s why, with the Samaritan woman, He doesn’t focus on her “co-dependency” or even her “sexual addiction” per se. Jesus focuses on her core spiritual thirst.”

This Week’s Recommendations

This Week’s Recommendations
  1. Your Spouse Doesn’t Have to Be Your Best Friend: Shane Morris thinks that friendship in marriage is important, but that we can miss out on other friendships God has for us. He begins, “Perhaps you’ve noticed the popular recasting of marriage as primarily a very close friendship. Young couples (frequently when posting photos of each other on social media) will say, ‘I married my best friend.’”

  2. Five Things to Say to Help a Depressed Christian: Simple, but important advice from Eliza Huie. She begins with this, “God cares about your suffering. Your pain matters. God isn’t looking down hoping you get it together soon. He loves you. He grieves with you. And he cares that you are hurting.”

  3. Learning from the Hours: TM Suffield explains the theological significance of how the days are explained in Genesis 1, “’And there was evening and there was morning, the first day’ and each day thereafter. Evening, then morning. That’s backwards.”

  4. Giving in Retirement: What should giving look like in retirement? CJ Cagle explains. One question he asks is, “Which is a greater priority: spending and giving or leaving an inheritance? The biggest challenge with this question is that the Bible seems to encourage all these things.”

  5. The Universe on a Human Scale: I could watch videos like this all day long. How great is our Creator?

This Week’s Recommendations

This Week’s Recommendations
  1. He Would’ve Come With Me: This is a beautiful story about how God can change hearts. He reflects, “It was, for me, one of the more miraculous heart changes I had ever seen. I remember thinking to myself, “If God can change this old man’s hatred toward Muslims, and replace it with love, well then maybe I’m not crazy for thinking God can change Muslims’ hearts as well.”

  2. Prioritize Your Church: Brent McCracken shares The Gospel Coalition’s heart that its readers would commit to the local church. He says as much as they want you to read their articles, they urge you theirs is something they want you to do far more. “But honestly, there’s an action we’d invite you to take that’s more vital to your spiritual health than almost anything you could click on (including here). What’s the action I’m talking about? Be committed to a church.”

  3. In the Beginning There Were No Canyons: I love this parable from Tim Challies with deep truths about our hearts and suffering. Here he describes the moment canyons were made, “So the Master spoke to the Skies and in an instant a great bolt of lightning leapt from the heavens to the earth, striking the Prairie with a heavy blow. The Prairie cried out in agony and for a long while mourned the gaping, jagged gash that had been left upon it—a deep, charred scar that contrasted sharply with the bright grasses and vivid flowers around. “Why, Master?” it sobbed in bewildered sorrow.”

  4. Jesus isn’t Scared of My Suffering: Bethany Barnard shares the story of her struggle with severe OCD and depression. Make sure you watch her music video as well. She concludes, “The hurdles of traumatic circumstances, doubt, and mental-health struggles no longer feel disqualifying to me as a Christian. They are an irreplaceable grace he gives to reveal his heart to us.”

  5. Magically Turning Into a Banana: This guy’s videos are fun.

This Week’s Recommendations

This Week’s Recommendations
  1. Rejection that Cuts Deep: Kath Thomas with a heartbreaking reflection on their son. She begins, “I have come to believe that rejection and separation from your child is one of the most painful experiences to carry. Seven months ago, my eldest son decided he could no longer have any connection with his family. That night we were in shock, we didn’t get to ask the questions we wished we had before he left, and even now, still don’t really know why he chose this path.”

  2. She is Broken, and She is Beautiful: I love this reflection on the church by Glenna Marshall. It begins with tragedy, “The phone rang before dawn that cold, January day. There’s never a good reason for calls so early; my heart pounded when I answered the phone. A dear church member was on the other end, her voice thick with tears and panic. Her husband died unexpectedly in the night. It was difficult to wrap my mind around this sudden news.”

  3. The Compromise of Sexual Ethics: Brent McCracken explores what has many Christians changing their ideology around sexual ethics. He begins, “Every week it seems new CCM stars, former Christian celebrities, or Christian college graduates announce “evolving” beliefs on Christianity—how their “deconstruction” journey is leading them to reconsider or abandon faith tenets they once believed.”

  4. How to Listen Well: This seems like such a simple thing, but it’s so important—especially in today’s world. Gem and Alan Fadling conclude, “The practice of listening can teach us to slow down inside, to focus our thoughts, to be humble and defer to others as they share. Listening can help us learn that we do not always have to be “on” or fix other people. The Lord Himself is working His own processes in each of our lives.”

  5. Meet Baby Olivia: A powerful 3-D graphic video of life developing in the womb.

How to Go Back to School

How to Go Back to School

It’s here! New backpacks are filled with unclicked mechanical pencils and crisp highlighters. New sneakers are ready to be laced up and fresh hair cuts sported. School is back.

I look back with fondness at many years of schooling and regret how I spent a couple of those years. My kids are entering their senior and sophomore years in high school. I want to see them thrive in the year ahead. As those in the thick of it, I processed these questions with them:

How can you make the best of this school year? Better yet, how can the year ahead be used for God’s glory?

We agreed on the following encouragements:

Thanksgiving Recommendations

Thanksgiving Recommendations

1. What’s God’s Will For You in 2020? Eric Geiger suggests the answer is connected to today’s holiday.

2. How Do I ‘Count It All Joy’: I smiled when I saw Joel Smit’s article, which is similar (but deeper) than the reflection I offered this week on the same passage. He shares, “These seemingly cold words of James are actually filled with warm gospel truth and hope as they point the troubled soul to the root from which the true healing balm comes.”

3. Surviving the Holidays: Kerry Patterson shares the story of the Thanksgiving he was a moron and what he’s learned from that lousy holiday where he just had to be right: “Here’s my plan. I’m going to start every discussion by asking what I really want. Does everyone really have to believe what I believe? Do I really have to win each and every point?”

4. Blessed Are the Unoffendable: Abigail Dodds shares a message so contradictory to our flesh and to the culture. She shares the danger of taking offense easily, “Offended people can become unassailable. Recalcitrant. Too hard-hearted to hear an appeal. When we are offended, we believe ourselves to have the moral high ground; therefore, we feel justified in making the one who has offended us a villain.”

5. Don’t Adopt That One: Emma Scrivner with a powerful reflection on adoption.

This Week's Recommendations

This Week's Recommendations

1. Kids Spending 500% More Time in Front of Screens During Quarantine: James Lang suggests that, “The trouble with excessive screen time is that it eclipses healthy behaviors that all children need.”

2. Will Hell Really Last Forever? This is a thoughtful and thorough response by Greg Morse. I find this part of his argument most persuasive: "The answer is clear enough in Revelation 16:8–11, where people under God’s judgment 'gnawed their tongues in anguish and cursed the God of heaven for their pain and sores. They did not repent of their deeds.'”

3. 4 Disturbing Trends in Global Persecution: Please pray for Christ's church. The fourth in Aaron Earls's report is, "Christianity is on the verge of disappearing in Iraq and Syria. The presence of terrorist groups and conflicts in both Middle Eastern countries have led to the rapid decline of the Christian populations. Before the extended conflicts began, Iraq and Syria had 3.7 million Christians. Now that has dropped to around 946,000, according to Open Doors."

4. Here come the Skinny Cows: Mark Deymaz and Harry Li with a disturbing forecast of dramatically decreased giving to churches in the coming years. They explain four factors that might lead to a decline of up to 30% drop in giving. One of the four factors is a decrease in giving to religious institutions, "Individual giving in general is trending down, the report said, but religious giving is being hit by other factors like the growing disaffiliation of Americans with religious groups."

5. 4 Principles for Talking to Your Kids About Sex: Julie Lowe’s short article is on point. Her final point is, “Fourth, talk soon. Be the one who shapes your child’s view on sex and sexuality. It is far better to proactively inform your child’s view on a subject, than to have to go back and debunk an inaccurate view.”

6. Hawaii's Forest Eater: Stunning up close footage of the devastating 2018 volcano in Hawaii.

How to Raise Kids Who Are Best Friends

How to Raise Kids Who Are Best Friends

Do your kids like each other? Nothing like COVID-19 to test those limits, right?

Every parent wants their children to be friends. One of the best gifts of my childhood was my friendship with my sister. The gift of a playmate, of someone to walk through life’s ups and downs with you, is incalculable.

Over time I’ve realized that the gift of my friendship with my sister, Sarah, has paid enormous dividends in my life. It was that friendship that taught me how to navigate conflict, how to apologize and reconcile, how to comfort, and how to navigate long-distance friendship, and through changes and stresses in life. It’s not that I’ve navigated any of those things particularly well (in fact, even in the past year I can point to ways I’ve navigated several of those things particularly poorly!), but my relationship with Sarah has always been a touchstone of learning and growth.

Looking back on my friendship with Sarah, I realize that is where I learned to be a husband as well. Whatever ways I’ve been a good husband can be attributed to a foundation of friendship with my sister.

But how do you raise children who are friends? Many parents are exasperated by the constant bickering, the endless disputes and competition between siblings.

I thought it would be beneficial to get my kids’ perspective on it: a view from the trenches, as it were.