Family, Finance, Marriage, Parenting
John Beeson
Choosing Eight

I am blessed to have many special people in my life. My sister (Sarah) and her husband (Anders) are such people. At age 22, they might have been two of the least likely people you could have imagined to be where they are today: homeschool parents of eight kids. Neither their background nor their career trajectory would have given you a hint they would choose to have eight kids. Both came from families of four and Sarah was enrolled in medical school on the way to becoming a doctor. I had the opportunity to sit down with Sarah and Anders and listen to how God led them to choose to have eight kids.

Choosing Eight
Recommendations, Apologetics, Marriage, Family
John Beeson
This Week's Recommendations

  1. The thief’s good works: Jackson Gravvitt considers two different perspectives on the thief on the cross: does the thief demonstrate that our faith is solely because of Christ’s work or through our good works that flow from Christ’s work?

  2. Lessons from caring for a disabled child: Jamie MacGregor shares, “At first, we were told to terminate the pregnancy since it was likely that she would have disabilities. We responded that abortion was not an option. Then, we were told that we have no idea what it would be like to raise a child with special needs. The doctors were right. We had no idea how difficult it would be.”

This Week's Recommendations
Church, Family, Marriage, Orphan Care, Parenting
John Beeson
Blessed to Multiply

Weeks before I received my first calling as a pastor, the elders decided that they were going to seek tWho wouldn’t want to experience God’s blessing? So, then, how can we step into the blessing of God? One of the straightforward ways the Bible teaches us that he blesses us is through children. Look, for instance, at the book of Genesis, where blessing is directly correlated to having children:

 

And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it.” (Gen. 1:28)

And God blessed Noah and his sons and said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth.” (Gen. 9:1)

The angel of the Lord also said to [Hagar], “I will surely multiply your offspring so that they cannot be numbered for multitude.” (Gen. 16:10) acquire property and build a new facility for the church. They informed me that leading the relocation and capital campaign efforts would be part of my job. As a fresh seminary graduate, I had precisely zero requisite experience for the task. I had no experience in fundraising or contracting. And, of course, seminary did not include any preparation for the task.

 Over the course of those years, I had to learn a lot, but perhaps the most important lesson I learned was that leading a congregation through a capital campaign could be a significant spiritual blessing.

Blessed to Multiply
Church, Gratitude, Prayer, Religion
John Beeson
You and the Universal Church

Healthy Christians know that the Church is bigger than their church. We call this the universal church, the collective body of all followers of Jesus worldwide and across history. This spiritual entity is invisible, transcending denominations.

Unhealthy churches and denominations communicate directly and indirectly that they are the only true church. Unsound churches make the opposite error: not drawing any boundaries for who is outside of the orthodox church.

But what does this mean for the ordinary Christian? For many Christians, it doesn’t mean much at all. Their only meaningful connection to the church is with their church.

You and the Universal Church
Recommendations, Culture, Music, Prayer, Science
John Beeson
This Week's Recommendations

  1. What ‘gentle parenting’ misunderstands about human nature: Michael Reneau and Megan Dent explain, “A core feature of Jesus’ gentleness to sinners was his understanding that they were trapped in a world in which the sinful parts of their nature were likely to be tempted and exploited, again and again. In this sense, sinners were indeed victims. But Jesus suggests that their problem was not that other human beings weren’t catering to their every emotional need (and in the process, eliding their own), but rather that they had become lost in a longing that Augustine called concupiscence: an immense desire, or ardent longing for fulfilment that often leads one astray, toward hubris, power, violence, lust, or material greed.”

This Week's Recommendations

Marriage

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Our Broken Story

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Our Broken Story

This week we were featured over at Reclaimed Story in both blog and podcast. It begins:

We were just kids: 14 and 16 years old. A freshman and a junior. We went to the same high school and the same church. John was the leader of our campus Christian club.

ANGEL:

The first time I met him I thought, “That’s the man I want to marry.” We married at 19 and 21, respectively, and we were what most people thought was the “perfect couple”. We heard it many times: “I want a relationship like yours!”

Fast forward 18 years to a campus ministry retreat in Lake Pleasant, New York. As the music swells I begin shaking and weeping. I can’t keep living in lies. I collapse into a chair. John joins me. I speak over the worship, “I’ve been having an affair. “

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This Week's Recommendations

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This Week's Recommendations

1. 4 Traits to Seek in a Spouse: David Qaoud concludes his sound advice with this, “Everyone marries the wrong person. Everyone is wrong because of sin. But a robust view of total depravity, and a firm understanding of providence, doesn’t mean you should have low standards for who you marry.”

2. I Am My Father’s Son: This is a powerful story of hope from Greg Lucas, who had a terrible relationship with his father. He concludes, “Like my dad, and failing fathers everywhere, I rest in the promises of the gospel. The promise of redemption, forgiveness, and grace. And through these promises I can proclaim with confidence and joy, I am my Father’s son.

3. Sometimes I Think I Hear Singing: Andrea Sanborn encourages us to have ears to hear God’s singing… I read this one twice it was so perfect. She says, “We look for the spectacular, for a jolt of awareness. For miracles. But God, who clothed himself in ordinary flesh, also comes on ordinary days, in just a subtle stirring in the soul; a hint of heaven. Can you sense it?”

4. River Runner: How cool is this tool? Let a raindrop fall anywhere you want in the United States and see where it ends up.

5. America’s Racial History and Christians: In this video, Justin Giboney with a thoughtful response to an important issues for all American Christians. He argues that, to speak faithfully and biblically, “We must not only confront the lies that offend us, but also the lies that serve us.”

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In Honor of My Beloved on Her 40th

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In Honor of My Beloved on Her 40th

Tomorrow my beautiful wife, Angel, turns 40. I’ve known Angel since she was 14, a freshman at Canyon del Oro High School. She has the same magnetic personality she did then, but the years have added depth and wisdom.

Marrying young is hard. God had a lot of work to do on me and Angel (and still does!). But there is also joy. It is an honor to be a close companion to God’s refining work in another’s life for so long. It is a mercy to know and be known.

I’ve seen God shape Angel’s flighty spirit into grounded stillness. I’ve seen God transform Angel’s heart that, at times, struggled with discontentment, to a heart that overflows with gratitude. I’ve seen God patiently draw Angel into a vocational calling she wrestled with (those God has blessed by having Angel enter their lives as counselor are grateful she submitted!).

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Your Marriage Doesn't Need Better Communication

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Your Marriage Doesn't Need Better Communication

“The biggest problem in our marriage is our communication.” It’s perhaps the most frequent issue that is brought to the table when Angel (my wife and counselor) and I meet with couples. At the core of many marriage seminars and conferences is the issue of how to improve the communication in your marriage.

I don’t buy it. Your marriage doesn’t need better communication.

Alright, alright. I’m overstating that for dramatic effect. There are some helpful things you can do to improve communication in your marriage. But the fact remains: I’ve yet to encounter a marriage that the fundamental issue is communication. More serious issues always lurk beneath the surface.

The reason that communication is often fore-fronted is that it is a neutral issue. Being a poor communicator isn’t a sin. We think if we can just learn new techniques, we will experience renewal in our marriage.

Communication isn’t your issue. Sin is your issue. Or, to put it in James’s language, your desires are your issue.

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Reflections on 20 Years of Marriage

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Reflections on 20 Years of Marriage

In January, Angel and I celebrated 20 years of marriage. If you’ve been a reader of this blog for a while, you know what a miracle that is. It is a gift to be able to celebrate his goodness and faithfulness.

Angel and I met in high school. She was a freshman, and I was a junior. She set her sights on me. I was oblivious… until I wasn’t.

After a long-distance courtship, we married at the tender ages of 21 and 19. I often tell young couples I walk through pre-marital counseling with that marrying early comes with unique gifts and unique challenges. There are gifts of getting married young. Those include the blessing of a long history with someone, protection from certain sexual temptations, and leaning into responsibility earlier than most.

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This Week's Recommendations

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This Week's Recommendations

1. Marriage in Rapid Decline, Even Among Evangelicals: Colin Smothers shares some startling and disheartening news, ““According to a Census Bureau survey taken in 2018, only 35 percent of 25- to 34-year-old men were married, a precipitous and rapid plunge from 50 percent in 2005.”

2. 10 Things Pastors Should Know About Divorce: Speaking of marriage, this is an excellent article from Laura Petherbridge. Her first of the ten is that “Divorce is a death: Regardless of the circumstances, divorce signifies the fatality of the marriage vow. It’s the death of the dream, the breaking of the covenant, the ending of ‘what should have been.’ It often feels as if death would have been easier because death is natural and doesn’t carry the shame.”

3. That Feels Nice: I could read Chris Thomas’s lyrical writing all day long. I love this reflection on sin and the weight of the crashing ocean.

4. Painting on the Surface of Water: Wow. Mesmerizing, indeed.

5. Beware the Danger of a Victim Mentality: This article from Akos Balogh, an immigrant now in Australia, is very helpful. He begins, “I was a refugee from communist Eastern Europe—from Hungary. I grew up among other refugees, among victims: victims of an oppressive totalitarian regime; victims who saw loved ones imprisoned and killed; victims for whom fleeing their homeland was often the only option left. Now not for a moment do I want to minimise the suffering of my fellow (Hungarian) refugees. Their pain was real.”

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This Week's Recommendations

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This Week's Recommendations

1. Confessions of a Recovering Political Idolater: I resonated with Jared Wilson's post. He says, "I have to stay aware of them, because when I am not consciously and intentionally directing my gaze to the glory of Christ, I can very easily get swept up in the winds of political discourse. I can get too animated by the rise and fall of those who cannot thwart God's purposes. I can get too angry or too disappointed in or too fearful of brothers and sisters who don't think about these things exactly like I do."

2. 4 Types of Churches in Dealing with Politics: Eric Geiger reflects on how churches tend to engage politics. Most importantly, we need to be those who can be offended and changed when the Bible confronts even our political ideologies. “I heard Tim Keller say in a sermon about the Bible: ‘If the Bible really came from God, and wasn’t the product of any one culture, wouldn’t it offend every culture in some way?’ He was not speaking about the Republican and Democrat parties/culture, but I believe the quote applies.”

3. How to Avoid Becoming the Leader Everyone Resents: Helpful advice from Carey Niewhof. He begins, "There is no level of leadership that exempts you from your weaknesses. You can lead one of the largest organizations in the world. You will still have weaknesses and frustrate your team. In fact, higher levels of leadership don’t mask your weaknesses, it exposes them."

4. Still Growing: Melissa Edgington always puts simple truths elegantly. Here she reflects on 21 years of marriage, "When I stepped through the back doors of the church back in 1999 and saw that precious boy that I loved standing at altar, I had no idea that knowing him was going to make me more like Jesus. We have grown. And we’re just getting started."

5. 2 in 5 Churchgoers Regularly Attend Multiple Churches: And four other church trends. An eye-opening read. Aaron Earls reports. In more encouraging news, "Two-thirds of churched adults (65%) and 82% of practicing Christians say they attend church because they “'enjoy doing it.'”

6. For Passion’s Sake: My friend, Anne Imboden just launched her blog at Glory in the Grind. You should subscribe. Her storytelling and sense of humor are great. Here she reflects on her kids and the worthwhile cost of fostering their passions, “It’s both inspiring and exhausting to have a 5 year old who loves to cook. Fueling his fire and encouraging his dream means I need to learn to share my kitchen and resign to the fact that it will never truly be clean again. It means I need to include him on my menu planning, letting him choose recipes from his own cookbooks and kits. It means I need to start preparing dinner at least 30 minutes earlier than usual to allow time to show him each step, wait on his slower motor skills, and clean up mistakes. It means I need to die to myself a little and let go of control, for the sake of supporting his passion… He is capable, and I need to give him opportunities to prove it. (Dinner was delicious.)”

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This Week's Recommendations

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This Week's Recommendations

1. Should Christians Use Recreational Marijuana? Kevin VanHoozer offers wisdom to Christians in a nation with broadening availability to recreational marijuana. VanHoozer explains that we need to have an understanding of what marijuana does as well as a biblical understanding of recreation. He says, "'Recreation' originally referred to the process of spiritual refreshment: the act of restoring or reviving the soul. Today, it usually refers to things people do to relax or have fun. Recreation is an activity of leisure—leisure being “free” time. It can be solitary or communal. In either case, it is formative, either spiritually or socially."

2. It's True! Stress Makes Your Hair Grey: Sometimes old wive's tales are real… and I’m living proof of this one! Jennifer Walter reports, "Scientists knew losing these cells in hair follicles robs hair of its luster, but they had yet to pin down the mechanism responsible for triggering the depletion of melanocytes. Now, scientists finally have an answer: the fight-or-flight response."

3. Marriage Was Never Meant to Fill the Empty Spaces: An excellent and intimate reflection by Lauren Washer. She reminds us, "Marriage cannot fill the empty spaces but it helps point us to the God who emptied himself so we could be filled up with the knowledge of him. As we continuously seek to fill ourselves up with the knowledge of God, through his word and through prayer, he fills us with everything we need for life and godliness."

4. Respectable Sins of the Reformed World: Tim Challies offers an important critique of the sins that can go unchecked for Reformed Christians. He concludes his list with this doozy: “Impugning. To impugn is to dispute the truth, validity, or honesty of another person’s motives. And closely connected to disputing another person’s motives is suggesting that you know the truth behind them.”

5. Kangaroo Rats are Furry, Spring-Loaded Ninjas: As an Arizonan I particularly enjoyed these four-minutes. Our Creator has quite the imagination, don't you think?

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This Week's Recommendations

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This Week's Recommendations

1. Visualize the Entire World's Wealth Inequality: Howmuch.net reports, "The Swiss are the richest with median wealth per adult at $227.9K. Haiti is the poorest country in the world with an estimated median wealth of only $214 per adult."

2. Nearly Half of Men Say They Do Most of the Home Schooling. 3 Percent of Women Agree: Ruh, roh. I smell marital trouble brewing. A recent Morning Consult survey revealed that 45 percent of men say they were carrying the bulk of the load for homeschooling—but only 3 percent of women actually said their partners were taking care of most of it.

3. Fandom Proves We Need Community: Eric Geiger shares, "Eric Simons quotes scientists, researchers, and psychologists who have studied what motivates a sports fan. The conclusion is a longing for community."

4. Why Our Modern World Can’t Stop Guilt: My friend John Starke considers why it is that a modern world that has seemed to throw everything it has to get rid of the outdated concept of guilt can’t seem to shake it. Starke concludes, “As Rich Plass has said, the soul will always find its way out. It’s true. Modern people try to bury their guilt before it’s dead, and like a zombie, it comes back to the surface in a more dangerous and wild version than before.”

5. A Husband's Perspective on His Wife's Postpartum Body: Tim Challies with a loving reflection on what a postpartum body means. He concludes that the husband considers his wife's body, "With gratitude, acknowledging that she has sacrificed her body so they could enjoy the thrill of pregnancy, the joy of children, and the blessings of family. And with desire, still longing to experience and increase the intimacy that has bound them together for all these years. He treasures each mark and each line as if they are his own. For in the sacred oneness of marriage, they are his own."

6. I Miss Baseball: Me too, Kevin James, me too.

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She Wanted Out: Navigating an Unwanted Divorce

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She Wanted Out: Navigating an Unwanted Divorce

I’m so glad to be able to bring you a guest post from my friend Wes Jackson today. Wes has been a friend of mine since Middle School and brings transparency and wisdom to this sensitive topic. I’m sure you will benefit from navigating his experience of divorce and I encourage you to share it with friends who would profit from his insight as well.

Grace and peace,

John

When Divorce Happens: Through a Husband’s Eyes

It was Halloween Day, 2017, when my ex-wife told me she wanted a divorce. This announcement didn’t come completely out of the blue. We were ten days out from our last big fight, and it was only eight days since she sat me down to let me know that she wanted to stay together through the holidays for our kids’ sake and then separate in the new year.

We had been married for about eight and a half years and they were very difficult years together. We had tried Christian counseling. We’d met and prayed with our pastor. I thought we’d tried about everything possible and maybe separation wouldn’t be such a bad idea. We could give each other some space so things could cool down while we continued to meet with our Christian counselor with the hope of reconciling the marriage.

When her desire for a separation changed to a desire for a divorce, everything became much more difficult.

What followed was six to eight months with attorneys and paperwork and appearances in the Arizona Family Court system. During this time, I made three separate overtures to try and reconcile the marriage, but all of them were refused. My wife made it very clear that she was done with the marriage and had moved on.

While I can honestly say that I didn’t want to divorce my wife, I can’t say that I should have been surprised that she wanted to divorce me.

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