Marriage

This Week's Recommendations

This Week's Recommendations
  1. On the Changing of the Dictionaries: Tim Challies begins, “There is something morbidly fascinating about watching dictionaries slowly but surely change their definitions of common words. It raises some questions, not the least of which strike to the very purpose of a dictionary.”

  2. I Can’t Put Them Down Yet: Brianna Lambert with a sweet reflection on mothering. She concludes, “So I’m going to keep picking up my six-year-old. Together we’ll continue to sing songs to the faithful God who will never put us down.”

  3. Reconstructing Faith: Christianity in a New World: Tim Keller is nuanced as always in this piece on deconstruction, “For many the Christian faith they grew up with or held for many years no longer feels credible to them. They are rethinking the whole thing.”

  4. Deepening Your Friendship in Marriage: Sheryl Jacob with a helpful piece on the ways our focus in marriage can be easily shifted off course, “Many relationships start by knowing each other well enough to agree they can tolerate each other’s quirks and odd mannerisms. But somewhere along the line, the demands of daily life take over.”

  5. Against Autonomy: TM Suffield with strong words for the choice we often make, “We want the benefits of a marriage without the covenant. In essence we’ve swapped the grandest story ever told—the truly breath-takingly epic love story that is patterned in the atoms of the world—and swapped it for a tawdry little tale about a string of destructive and demeaning one-night stands. By replacing Jesus’ position as rightful ruler of the cosmos with ourselves as the rightful ruler of our tiny worlds—and make no mistake, friends, that’s what we’ve done—we’ve removed what made those goods good. We’ve marred what made the beauty we had beautiful. We’ve made the truth into a lie.”

  6. “Well Done,” Says God to Man Who Spent Life Arguing in YouTube Comments Section: Babylon Bee skewers the culture warrior with a wink.

The Drama of Marriage

The Drama of Marriage

In pre-marital counseling, you can almost see couples wince when I bring up Paul’s admonition to wives in Ephesians 5. Paul’s instructions to married couples begin with those fated words, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” Denominations have divided over that verse and been misunderstood by many more.

This Week's Recommendations

This Week's Recommendations
  1. An Encouragement to Young Husbands: AW Workman shares the importance of growing in gentleness as a husband, “In this season I began to visualize a beautiful, though small, flowering plant. The wrong kind of focused messing with the plant would eventually kill it. Instead, it needed stability, dependable sunlight, regular watering, and it would blossom. My nit-picking and projecting on the future were preventing the kind of relational safety that would actually lead to growth. The gospel logic of “accepted, therefore free to grow” was beginning to work its way into how I sought to shepherd my wife.”

  2. Any Unchecked Sin is Ruinous: Justin Huffman warns, “We, every one of us, have the potential to destroy our marriage, or to be consumed with bitterness, or to be blinded by self-righteousness, or succumb to peer pressure, or to give in to hopeless depression, or to give way to sexual temptation.”

  3. Does Sexual Self-Gratification Glorify God? Trent Rogers and John Tarwater consider the difficult subject of masturbation: “Christians experience constant pressure from prevailing cultural narratives that argue all sexual expression, so long as it doesn’t harm another, is inherently good and that sexual expression is the foundation of one’s personhood.”

  4. Hedgerows and Big Yellow Trucks: Andrea Seaborn with a wonderful reflection on why God obscures our view.

  5. Stooping to Filthy Feet: John Orchard brings fresh perspective to a well-known passage, “God has become a real human being and he hasn’t just served humanity in general, but actual blokes with body-hair and odour, annoying habits and treacherous hearts. No, Jesus does this not in spite of his divinity but because of it.”

This Week's Recommendations

This Week's Recommendations
  1. Can Christians Date Nonbelievers? Marshall Seagal handles this question wisely, “Who you marry will likely shape who you become more than any other human relationship. If your husband runs from Jesus, you won’t be able to avoid the undertow of his lovelessness. If your wife runs from Jesus, you will live in the crossfire of her unrepentant sin. You may survive an unbelieving spouse, but only as through fire. Marriage under God would become a long and devastating war.”

  2. Sexual Liberation Has Failed Women: Andrew Wilson reviews Louise Perry’s intriguing new book, “Louise Perry has written a feminist critique of the sexual revolution, and it’s brave, excoriating, and magnificent. The Case Against the Sexual Revolution isn’t a Christian book. Perry’s critique is rooted in evolutionary biology, feminist passion, and empirical observation, not biblical interpretation or theology.”

  3. Big Boys do Cry, After All: Tim Shorey shares his heartache as he navigates the ravages of cancer, “Gayline and I have not known a single day of adult life without each other. But now, unless God spares me, she’ll likely know a couple decades of adult life without me; with me as but a memory. I won’t be there with her and for her. I won’t be holding her hand, kissing her goodnight, and saying, as I always do when she turns over to sleep—'Good night. I love you! I can’t wait to see you in the morning!’”

  4. God Wants You to be a Burden: This is a good reminder by Christine Gordon and Hope Blanton, “Burden bearing is a two-way street. The friend you hesitate to text with your bad news has the same call on her life that you do. Will you allow her the opportunity to obey or deny her the chance because you’ve decided she’s too busy?”

  5. The Most Repeated Verse in the Bible: Sam Allberry helps us square God’s wrath and love. He explains, “But while both God’s love and wrath are undeniable and necessary features of his dealings with us, they are not symmetrical. They do not spring from the same central part of God’s being with equal force. The two are not parallel components of God’s work.”

This Week's Recommendations

This Week's Recommendations
  1. Will My Spouse be My Best Friend in Heaven? John Piper responds to a new widow who asks a heartfelt question, “Can’t I at least be guaranteed that my husband will still be my best friend in heaven? Will he even be excited to see me when I get there? In marriage, two become one. Am I just half a person left behind? I know when I get to heaven and enter God’s presence, none of these questions will matter. But they matter now. And I struggle to find wisdom and comfort as to how I must approach my remaining years on earth.”

  2. The Age of Ingratitude: Carl Trueman warns us, “We live in an age marked by infantile ingratitude. And if Scruton is right, that means we live in an age when we do not really know how to live at all. Ingratitude has dehumanized us.”

  3. A Word About the Spark in Marriage: Lauren Washer with a short post encouraging us to consider what really keeps love alive in marriage, “Think about what draws us to a fire. Dancing flames. Unpredictable patterns and colors. We can’t turn our eyes away from a fire’s beauty and its glory mesmerizes us. But the embers—the non-flashy red hot coals at the base of the fire—these hold the most heat. The glowing bits of heat tucked away beneath the wood aren’t noticeable until the flames die down. Embers are constant, though.”

  4. How Did the Pandemic Affect Church Swapping and Switching? Aaron Earls reports on big jumps of church swapping and switching during Covid. He also reports that, “At the beginning of the pandemic in 2020, 58% of all Americans and 39% of U.S. evangelicals by belief said worshipping alone or with one’s family is a valid replacement for regularly attending church. In 2022, that jumped to 66% of Americans and 54% of evangelicals by belief.”

  5. What Does My Dog Think I Do All Day? Chris’s post offers a simple but illuminating metaphor. He begins, “My dog lives to play. She likes tug of war and fetch—though she has yet to realize if she gives you the ball back, you can throw it again. Her very favorite thing is her frisbee.”

How to Get Married

How to Get Married

The Knot recently did a study and found that over the past seven years, weddings in churches have dropped from 41% to 26%.[i] Wow. Only a quarter of weddings now take place in a church.

This fact itself isn’t catastrophic. I don’t believe that one has to get married in the church for it to be a “real” wedding. But it does speak to a secularizing trend that has been pretty apparent. More disconcerting for me is the fact that 43% of weddings are now officiated by a friend, up from 29% seven years ago.[ii] The Bible doesn’t say you need a pastor to officiate your wedding, but choosing a (non-pastor) friend to officiate your wedding makes a statement.

You’re saying that your wedding is about celebrating your relationship with friends. That’s a wonderful part of what a wedding should be, but it shouldn’t be what your wedding is primarily about.

If you are considering marriage at some point in the future, let me urge you to consider making your marriage about something bigger and then doing some practical things to make sure your wedding points to that bigger truth.

Living on a Single Income with No Mortgage

Living on a Single Income with No Mortgage

I respect my sister and brother-in-law for many reasons. One of those reasons is their wise financial stewardship. With eight kids (you can read the story of why they have eight kids here), they are able to live on a single income, and they managed to pay off the mortgage on their previous house several years ago. That financial flexibility allowed them to purchase a home with my parents two years ago so they could help my dad whose mobility suffered after a series of strokes. There are many who would like to be mortgage-free. Below is the story of how by sister and brother-in-law learned to faithfully care for the finances God has blessed them with. In my interview, I hope you hear how often Sarah and Anders come back to a desire to be generous.

The Bible's Strange Instructions for Opening the Giving Lock

The Bible's Strange Instructions for Opening the Giving Lock

I worked for a few years in development and was trained in best practices for raising money. I was blessed to work for a Christian organization that was committed to raising money in a godly way, but the broader development industry doesn’t have many scruples in doing what they do best: separating people from their money. And they are clever! How does a development professional unlock the giving vault?

Secular Generosity

The secular handbook on getting people to give reveals a lot. There are three universal rules in development:[i]

1) Appeal to donors’ emotions, not their minds: tell a story that will move them;

2) Inflate a donor’s sense of importance and appeal to their interests;

3) Create urgency: donors need to feel as though the need is immediate and significant.

Christian Generosity

The Christian generosity handbook is very different. Having delivered his four strange reasons for giving. Paul is now going to five equally strange instructions for giving in his letter to the Corinthian church. Paul’s instructions contradict the development professional’s handbook at almost every turn. Paul tells us we should give this way:

This Week's Recommendations

This Week's Recommendations
  1. Why Religion is Good for Us: Mark Clark gives a great recap of some interesting data on why religion is a force for good in the world. For example, “In 247 studies done between 1944 and 2010: religion has a positive effect on society in regard to crime, deviance, and delinquency.”

  2. Long as the Curse is Found: An evocative piece from my friend Benjamin Vrbicek. He reflects on the new year and God’s grace, “A rain barrel, as it were, positioned by God’s grace, sits under my hands and captures more sacred moments than I realize. As a new year will be here in just a week, maybe I should be more excited about the prospect of catching new moments, a huge cupful of them. After all, a new year with new mercies awaits. How can that not be exciting?”

  3. Wisdom for Those Dating or Engaged to Someone Who Views Pornography: Jenny Solomon has a number of helpful things to say here. It starts here: “[Y]ou aren’t the solution to another person’s porn problem. He doesn’t look at porn because he wants/needs to have sex with you but can’t yet. He looks at porn because he lacks self-control. Your honeymoon won’t be a wand that waves over her porn issues and turns them magically into contented married sex.”

  4. 4 Predictions: Samuel James offers four predictions about Christians both conservative and liberal. He concludes, “The group that will be left in most local churches will be an ethnically mixed group.”

  5. Building Trust Through Forgiveness: Angel and I were grateful to be able to share some of our story with our friends at Romans 12 Ministries. I hope it encourages you.