marraige

Your Marriage Doesn't Need Better Communication

Your Marriage Doesn't Need Better Communication

“The biggest problem in our marriage is our communication.” It’s perhaps the most frequent issue that is brought to the table when Angel (my wife and counselor) and I meet with couples. At the core of many marriage seminars and conferences is the issue of how to improve the communication in your marriage.

I don’t buy it. Your marriage doesn’t need better communication.

Alright, alright. I’m overstating that for dramatic effect. Communication is important and often needs work. There are some helpful things you can do to improve communication in your marriage. But the fact remains: I’ve yet to encounter a marriage that the fundamental issue is communication. More serious issues always lurk beneath the surface.

If Only I Had More Time...

If Only I Had More Time...

Today I hand the reins over to Josh Barella. Josh is a friend and our Worship Director at New Life. Every Sunday morning, I wake up to a devotion that Josh sends to the worship team to prepare them for the day. Here is a recent devotion Josh shared.

My wife Lauren and I are fond of the niche science fiction film In Timestarring Justin Timberlake and Amanda Seyfried.  Set in a future Ohio, the currency is time, and it’s also everyone’s life force.  Once born, you age until your 25th birthday, and that’s when “your clock” starts and you have one year to live.

This Week's Recommendations

This Week's Recommendations
  1. The blame game: Casey McCall asks, “What is it about our race that leads us to reflexively—subconsciously even—defer responsibility and search for excuses in the face of blame? I notice it in myself, in my children, and in people I counsel.”

  2. When is a couple considered married? Robby Lashua responds to common questions, “When is a couple considered married? After the ceremony? When they sign the license? After sex? What verses support this?”

This Week's Recommendations

This Week's Recommendations
  1. The world cannot be gender blindTrevin Wax, “One of the strange ironies of our times: a significant segment of the left pushes back forcefully against the idea of “color blindness” regarding race but demands what amounts to “gender blindness” regarding sex…”

  2. Violent pornography’s assault on the marriage bedA very sobering read from Joe Carter, “Because these images are being fed to him when his personality is still being formed and his sexuality is developing, he begins to confuse his desires with those he sees in porn…

Our Rescue Story

Our Rescue Story

“What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?” It is not that Thomas doesn’t believe marriage can be a source of joy, but that we ask too much if we ask marriage to bring us our “happily ever after.” Joy will likely trail holiness if we make that the main aim in marriage, but if we aim at happiness, we will miss both happiness and holiness.

 Angel and I can testify to how fragile marriage is. In the summer of 2009, our marriage began unraveling after my first three years of pastoral ministry—years I neglected Angel for my mistress, the church.

Your Secrets Keep You Sick

Your Secrets Keep You Sick

We were stuck. “I’m done with the marriage,” she said. Years of subtle neglect had shut her down. She would remain married, but there would be no marriage. He was desperate. He heard his wife’s hurt and confessed his neglect. He was willing to change. In our sessions thereafter, he appeared earnest and his actions seemed to prove his sincerity. But she didn’t trust him and wouldn’t let down her guard.

Deep down, I felt something was amiss, but I didn’t know what it was. Several times she assured us that there was no other man involved.

This Week's Recommendations

This Week's Recommendations
  1. ·  Geopsychology: your personality depends on where you live: Take a look at where you live and have lived on this and see if it lines up. Agreeableness and conscientiousness stood out to me.

  2. ·  The professionals most likely to be paired up in marriage: Andrew Van Dam stuffs a lot more than you might think in this report. He begins, “The top spot goes to medical doctors, according to our analysis of responses to the Census Bureau’s American Community Survey over the past decade. Not-that-kind-of-doctors, also known as college professors, come in second.”

Trading Faces Identity Quiz

Trading Faces Identity Quiz

So, who are you? Many respond to that question by sharing their roles: “I am a mom.” “I am a dad.” “I am a sister.” “I am a wife.” “I am a husband.” “I am a lawyer.” “I am a teacher.” “I am an athlete.”

It’s not surprising that we answer the question this way. One of the first questions we ask children is “What do you want to be when you grow up?” It’s a fine question, but by asking it over and over again, we teach kids that they are what they do. We coach our children to substitute roles for true identities.

How to Waste Your Counseling

How to Waste Your Counseling

I forgot that I knew him. Our pre-marital counselor sat behind his oak desk with a large smile peeking out from under his white mustache. His gentle eyes reassured me. Angel and I slid into the love seat, facing him. It was my first counseling session. Angel’s, too. We were here for pre-marital counseling.

This Week's Recommendations

This Week's Recommendations
  1. The top 100 brands by value: Interesting infographic from visualize. Most surprising to me was that US companies made up half of the 100 brands. Unsurprisingly, China has a lot of companies represented as well.

  2. Thirteen years of coming back: I just love this post from Brianna Lambert. “Thirteen years of marriage, and Lord-willing many more ahead. I look back, and I see the beauty of a promise that won’t let go. I see two people, linked by an invisible cord. Though trial, sickness, and sin stretches it taut, the Lord won’t see that it breaks. Instead, the cord leads us back together, as we slowly pull ourselves nearer. Back to rest, back to forgiveness, back to joy, back to the hand I love to hold, and back to the love that started it all.”