Relationships

Marshmallows and Friends

Marshmallows and Friends

Most have heard of the famous Stanford marshmallow experiment. In 1970, psychologist Walter Mischel invited kids into his lab. A child was offered a marshmallow that they could eat, or, if they waited until the researcher returned, they were given a second marshmallow. About one-third of the kids waited approximately fifteen minutes for the additional reward.

The study then tracked those children over time and found that children who waited for the second reward tended to have higher SAT scores and lower body mass indexes. Later tests have challenged those outcomes, but it hasn’t stopped parents everywhere from running the experiment on their kids, often with humorous results.

Why Satan Wants You to Think You're Alone

Why Satan Wants You to Think You're Alone

“I’m sure no one has ever told you this.”

“It’s so bad. You are going to think terrible things about me.”

“Everyone would hate me if they knew what I was thinking.”

“There is no one who loves me for me.”

I’ve heard each of these helpless words from those who sat on the couch in my office. They are raw, vulnerable, and heartbreaking confessions. The words leak their hearts’ crippling loneliness and fears that they are destined to remain alone.

This Week's Recommendations

This Week's Recommendations
  1. Maybe you don’t need a therapistO. Alan Noble says, “I suspect that many people don’t need to see a therapist, or will only need to see one for a brief time to deal with an acute problem like the loss of a loved one. Everyone will suffer. Everyone will need wise counsel and encouragement and guidance and someone to talk to, but not everyone needs that guidance to come from a licensed mental health professional.”

  2. We can’t be friendsT.M. Suffield writes on the absence of deep male friendship and how to buck the trend, “And perhaps,

What Do Teens Believe?

What Do Teens Believe?

Are you encouraged or discouraged about teens? If you’re a teen, what is your perception of your peers? Are you hopeful? Or pessimistic? Not long ago, One Hope released a massive global study on the state of teens worldwide. In the report, we find reasons to be encouraged and causes for concern. 

Spending time reflecting on what teens believe and do ought to help shape the way we pray for them and relate to them. I’ll process five sections of the report: Christian practice, struggles, social media, sexuality, and the meaning of life in teens’ lives and then draw some conclusions.

Why Did They Ghost Me?

Why Did They Ghost Me?

I love gardening. I love helping bring something to life, nurturing it, and watching it flourish.

I am not particularly great at gardening, though. Any improvement I’ve had has come through the school of hard knocks: a plant I put in the wrong soil, a plant placed in the incorrect amount of sunlight, or not giving a plant the right amount of water (my default is always that more must be better—it isn’t).

Relationships are like plants, aren’t they? They are fragile. They are challenging.

Paul's Advice To a College Freshman

Paul's Advice To a College Freshman

Today, I hand this space over to my daughter, Camille, a rising junior in college. I asked Camille what advice she would offer to those who are making the jump from high school to college. Even if it doesn’t apply to you, I bet you’ll be interested in what she has to say.

-John

If Only I Had More Time...

If Only I Had More Time...

Today I hand the reins over to Josh Barella. Josh is a friend and our Worship Director at New Life. Every Sunday morning, I wake up to a devotion that Josh sends to the worship team to prepare them for the day. Here is a recent devotion Josh shared.

My wife Lauren and I are fond of the niche science fiction film In Timestarring Justin Timberlake and Amanda Seyfried.  Set in a future Ohio, the currency is time, and it’s also everyone’s life force.  Once born, you age until your 25th birthday, and that’s when “your clock” starts and you have one year to live.

How To Criticize Your Pastor

How To Criticize Your Pastor

When I was 20, my childhood church changed leadership. Soon after, the leadership changed the vision statement. I was a junior in college, across the country studying Bible and theology, with head knowledge that far outpaced my experience. Out of the infinite resources of my leadership experience (sarcasm alert!), I generously offered my wisdom free of charge and wrote a letter to the new lead pastor. I'm still embarrassed by that letter.

Twenty-five years later, I'm no stranger to being on the receiving end of those letters (and emails, Facebook messages, and texts).

Our Rescue Story

Our Rescue Story

“What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?” It is not that Thomas doesn’t believe marriage can be a source of joy, but that we ask too much if we ask marriage to bring us our “happily ever after.” Joy will likely trail holiness if we make that the main aim in marriage, but if we aim at happiness, we will miss both happiness and holiness.

 Angel and I can testify to how fragile marriage is. In the summer of 2009, our marriage began unraveling after my first three years of pastoral ministry—years I neglected Angel for my mistress, the church.

How to Prevent Conflict

How to Prevent Conflict

“Do you want to do this the easy way or the hard way?” That phrase has been used so frequently that it isn’t clear who first used it.

 

James urges us that the path that seems easy will ultimately be much more painful for us. We all long for peace but think we can walk our own path to get there. There is only one path to true peace: humility. James reminds us, “And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace” (James 3:18). And he exhorts us, “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you” (James 4:10).