Knowing the Future Doesn’t Cure Anxiety: Jen Wilkin’s post is loaded with wisdom, “We reason that if we knew what tomorrow would bring, we would use that information wisely to make good choices. But the story of Peter’s denial warns us otherwise. Jesus tells him explicitly how anxiety will cause him to sin in his immediate future. He does not alter his course. Peter’s knowledge of the future serves not to correct him but to condemn him. Foreknowledge yielded neither repentance nor humility in Peter.”
Three Questions to Make Sense of Anxiety: In a similar vein, Joe Hussung notes that, “Our intuition is to say that anxiety is all about what we fear, but in reality, it is deeper than that. Anxiety is actually about what we love.”
What Jesus Saw When He Looked at Peter After the Rooster Crowed: Erik Raymond with another related post, encourages us, “How do you think Jesus looked at Peter? Was Jesus surprised? Frustrated? Ashamed? If you are a Christian, then your understanding of how Jesus looked at Peter is foundational to your perception of how he looks at you when you sin.”
Gen Z Couples are Shacking Up at Record Rates: Unsurprising report from Bloomberg, that 11% of those aged 18-24 are living with romantic partner. The 3.2 million cohabitating are 650,000 more than the same age group pre-pandemic.
America the Single: Again, unfortunately unsurprising. Erica Pandey explains, “Over the last 50 years, the marriage rate in the U.S. has dropped by nearly 60%.”
Faith is not Anonymous
She was desperate. The bleeding started 12 years ago. It began as a typical period and then just didn’t stop. The perpetual loss of blood left her weak and with constant cramping. Ceremonially unclean, she couldn’t go to the temple or the high holy days. She wasn’t allowed to touch her friends or family as she would make them unclean. Loneliness crept in. She went to doctor after doctor. She took herbs and minerals, and oils. Her finances diminished as her desperation increased. She was lonely and depressed.
6 Ways a Pastor Should Respond to a Departing Congregant
I sat across the room from the couple, trying to slow down my mind and open my heart to the criticism they were leveling at me. They had been offended by my sermon and had reacted on Facebook, indicating they were leaving the church. I reached out privately and asked if we could meet to talk. They agreed to do so. When we met, he was relatively calm, but she was very upset and I knew that I needed to hold my own emotions in check to be able to listen to the heart of what she was saying and respond in love, not hurt. As I had prayed to prepare for the meeting I genuinely didn’t think I was going to be able to ask for forgiveness for anything as I didn’t think I had done anything wrong. But in the midst of the meeting God opened my heart to see an area of blindness. I was able to ask and receive their forgiveness for the way this blind spot had injured them. I then asked if they would be willing to ask for forgiveness for their slander. They were willing to do so and I forgave them.
These are not the meetings that you anticipate when you sign up to be a pastor, but there are few moments more important in your ministry than these tense conversations.
Over the course of this series, I’ve reflected on a congregant’s responsibility, but pastors and leaders bear a responsibility to help congregants navigate departures well.
One friend wisely said, “I think the pastor needs to do his part in hearing the discord, attempt to reconcile, and when reconciliation is not the solution for continued membership, to ensure a good relocation.” She’s right. Here are six ways a leader should respond to those who are leaving:
Big Church, Small Feel
What’s the perfect size for a church? 50? 500? 5000?
You could make the argument for why each of these church sizes is optimal. At the church of fifty, you will have an intimate relationship with your pastor. You might be in the same small group, he will be there for your child’s graduation, and when you come to a worship service, you’ll probably know everyone (except that one new family) by name. You’re going to be able to step into leadership roles and shape the direction of the church even if you don’t have a lot of experience in leadership. You feel the blessing of the fact that your church is making a deep impact in the lives of a handful of people and you know their stories.
At the church of 500, the lead pastor may still know your name if you’re involved, but there will be opportunities for your kids to get to know kids their own age, a higher quality of musicianship by the band, and more diverse opportunities to serve. You’re not going to get wrangled into teaching the children’s lesson at the last second because no one else showed up that Sunday. Even though you probably don’t have a close relationship with the lead pastor, you have a close relationship with one of the pastors or directors, and feel known and loved by them. You love that your church has a big heart for the community and is making a significant impact in a couple areas of their ministry focus. Your neighborhood is better because your church is there.
At the church of 5,000, you never have to worry about bringing to your friend on a Sunday…
This Week's Recommendations
1. Americans Aren't Sure They Can Trust Pastors: Aaron Earls begins, "In a Pew Research study of Americans’ views on institutional leaders, religious leaders are often in the middle of the pack among groups like police officers, public school principals, journalists, and leaders of tech companies. Almost 7 in 10 U.S. adults (69%) say religious leaders act unethically at least some of the time, with 10% saying they do so most of the time."
2. When Self-Preservation Becomes Our God: My friend Benjamin Vrbicek reflects on Peter and an issue that is ever-present for us all.
3. The Day the Phone Rang Out: Seth Lewis with a simple but powerful story.
4. The Beauty and Abuse of Empathy: We don’t typically think about empathy as something that can be misused. Abigail Dodds offers valuable insight for those with the gift of empathy and warns us of its potential misuse through isolation, cowardice, and manipulation.
5. How the Chair You See Everywhere Came to Be: I had never thought about the ubiquity of this plastic chair and why that was.
The Power of Hope and the Rising Suns
The Suns currently sit at dead last in the Western conference at 17-55. They are a full 12 games behind the next worst teams, the Memphis Grizzlies and Dallas Mavericks, and 24.5 games (count ‘em!) out of playoff contention. They are in a fierce competition with the Knicks and Cavaliers to finish in last place. If they finished in last place in the entire league that would be their third year in a row finishing in last (four years ago, they finished second to last! Woo!). It’s not been a fun run as a Suns fan.
Between 2006-2010, the Suns appeared in the Western Conference finals three times, tantalizingly close to an elusive NBA championship. For the past nine seasons the team has slid further and further into the abyss with only one season where we won more games than we lost in that span. Our best players over that nine year stretch were such NBA legends as Marcin Gortat, Goran Dragic, and Eric Bledsoe (my tongue is firmly in cheek). We weren’t just bad; we were bad and our future was bleak.
But this year is different.
We’re every bit as bad as we’ve been the past three years, maybe worse, but this year we have hope. We have one of the best young players in the NBA: 22 year old Devin Booker[i], and the first pick of last year’s draft: 20 year old DeAndre Ayton, who has impressed in his first year. We’ve actually gotten better as the year has gone on and we’ve even won 6 of our last 10 games (meaning a third of our victories have come in the last three weeks). And hey! We’re going to get yet another high draft pick!
You see, it’s not so bad to be awful if there is hope. You can endure a lot as a fan if you think that things are going to get better.
That’s a lot like life, isn’t it?
Nonviolence and the Christian: But What about the Swords?
The strongest counter to my argument that the Bible teaches an ethic that disallows us from taking another person’s life, even in the defense of oneself or another, is found in the episode about buying swords that several mentioned. I am going to push pause and answer that question about the interaction in Luke 22 as best as I can before finishing our series next week addressing the question of violence and the military.
The exchange between Jesus and his disciples happens right after the Last Supper and before Jesus prays on the Mount of Olives (and is subsequently arrested by the Roman cohort).
And [Jesus] said to them, “When I sent you out with no moneybag or knapsack or sandals, did you lack anything?” They [the disciples] said, “Nothing.” He said to them, “But now let the one who has a moneybag take it, and likewise a knapsack. And let the one who has no sword sell his cloak and buy one. For I tell you that this Scripture must be fulfilled in me: ‘And he was numbered with the transgressors.’ For what is written about me has its fulfillment.” And they said, “Look, Lord, here are two swords.” And he said to them, “It is enough.”[i]
This is the clearest biblical text that supports self-defense.[ii] It seems pretty cut and dry. Jesus tells his disciples to buy swords. So, how would I interpret this text?
6 Ways a Leader Needs to Respond to a Departing Congregant
I sat across the room from the couple, trying to slow down my mind and open my heart to the criticism they were leveling at me. They had been offended by my sermon and had reacted on Facebook, indicating they were leaving the church. I reached out privately and asked if we could meet to talk. They agreed to do so. When we met, he was relatively calm, but she was very upset and I knew that I needed to hold my own emotions in check to be able to listen to the heart of what she was saying and respond in love, not hurt. As I had prayed to prepare for the meeting I genuinely didn’t think I was going to be able to ask for forgiveness for anything as I didn’t think I had done anything wrong. But in the midst of the meeting God opened my heart to see an area of blindness. I was able to ask and receive their forgiveness for the way this blind spot had injured them. I then asked if they would be willing to ask for forgiveness for their slander. They were willing to do so and I forgave them.
These are not the meetings that you think about when you sign up to be a pastor or leader, but there are few moments more important in your ministry than these tense conversations.
Two friends have responded to my series on leaving and finding a church with questions about a pastor’s responsibility in the midst of church departures. It’s a fair and helpful question. Over the course of this series I’ve reflected on a congregant’s responsibility, but pastors and leaders bear a responsibility to help congregants navigate departures well.