humility

How to Get Better

How to Get Better

We all want to get better. But how do we improve?

After "good job" and "thank you," I think the next most frequent response I've received after preaching in my fifteen years serving as a pastor has been "you've improved so much since..." That has been a challenging compliment for me to receive. I tend to hear it as a veiled critique of my preaching in the past (how bad did I use to be for you to comment on my improvement?), and an unintentional criticism of my current preaching (my hope would be you wouldn’t notice my preaching, but that God’s Word would come alive, convict, and transform the hearer through the power of the Spirit).

The Dust Mite and the Spider

The Dust Mite and the Spider

One afternoon, the spider and the dust mite met in the cool underside of a misshapen pillow.

Greetings and pleasantries concluded, an awkward silence grew. Intimidated by the size of the spider, the dust mite boasted, “Have you ever noticed how similar I am to an eagle?”

“You? Like an eagle?” the spider questioned scornfully.

“Oh yes,” the dust mite responded, gaining confidence. “I am like an eagle. Like an eagle, I have a head and legs and lay eggs.”

How to Prevent Conflict

How to Prevent Conflict

“Do you want to do this the easy way or the hard way?” That phrase has been used so frequently that it isn’t clear who first used it.

 

James urges us that the path that seems easy will ultimately be much more painful for us. We all long for peace but think we can walk our own path to get there. There is only one path to true peace: humility. James reminds us, “And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace” (James 3:18). And he exhorts us, “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you” (James 4:10).

Anger, Retaliation, and My Scion xB

Anger, Retaliation, and My Scion xB

I drove a little manual 2005 Scion xB for about eight years. It finally gave out after 230,000 miles. I loved that little car. It was fuel-efficient and required minimal maintenance. But it is undeniably close to the least powerful car on the road. I’m pretty sure that on its specs, next to 0-60mph, it says, “Eventually!”

Unless I was lined up against someone from a nearby retirement community, I was the last car to reach the speed limit coming off a stoplight. Unsurprisingly, more aggressive drivers with more powerful vehicles tended to treat my little Scion like a safety cone on the road, more like an obstacle than a fellow traveler.

This Week's Recommendations

This Week's Recommendations
  1. Lifetimes in landscapes: Brianna Lambert with a wonderfully evocative piece of writing, “He grew up in the foothills of the forest. Where the horizon disappeared behind the blue ridges. He’d spend his days with his eyes lifted towards the clouds that kissed the forehead of the mountaintops.”

  2. How to get the most out of your counseling sessionsJason Hsieh says, “Just as you would take a doctor’s medical prescriptions seriously. You can do this by regularly reviewing those particular biblical perspectives and following through on any new habits to form that you discuss.”

This Week's Recommendations

This Week's Recommendations
  1. How Naples reinvented the Catacombs of Rione Sanita into a must-see attraction: Wow! This is about as close as you can get to visiting the catacombs without being there.

  2. God knows I love you: Kyle Borg considers Jonah and a conversation with a fellow pastor. He asked his friend, “’Do you love pastoring your church?’ I knew that it was a searching question. I also knew that an honest answer wouldn’t come easily and could be very costly. He paused, and then said: ‘I imagine I feel about my congregation how Jonah felt about Nineveh.’”

  3. What is humility? Nick Thompson begins, “When asked in the early fifth century what three graces a minister needs most, Augustine didn’t think twice before responding, “Humilitas; humilitas; humilitas.” When it came to pastoral graces, the great African bishop awarded humility with gold, silver, and bronze medals.”

  4. The moment animals lock eyes with a photographer: Take a look at these photos! Oh, and you’ll want to click play on the very short videos as well.

  5. The five stages of Costco: I’m sure you don’t relate at all 

A Healing Place

A Healing Place

It was a long week. I felt sniped at by a handful of complaints from congregants. I was fighting for a spirit of gratitude as frustration grew in my heart. I stepped into a meeting and did my best to be present, but the inner critic’s voice was loud. I asked a simple question to kick things off: “Where is God growing you?” Tears welled in the eyes of the woman across from me. “New Life is my safe place, my growing place. New Life is my healing place. Every time I come to church, it feels like a hug.”

6 Ways a Pastor Should Respond to a Departing Congregant

6 Ways a Pastor Should Respond to a Departing Congregant

I sat across the room from the couple, trying to slow down my mind and open my heart to the criticism they were leveling at me. They had been offended by my sermon and had reacted on Facebook, indicating they were leaving the church. I reached out privately and asked if we could meet to talk. They agreed to do so. When we met, he was relatively calm, but she was very upset and I knew that I needed to hold my own emotions in check to be able to listen to the heart of what she was saying and respond in love, not hurt. As I had prayed to prepare for the meeting I genuinely didn’t think I was going to be able to ask for forgiveness for anything as I didn’t think I had done anything wrong. But in the midst of the meeting God opened my heart to see an area of blindness. I was able to ask and receive their forgiveness for the way this blind spot had injured them. I then asked if they would be willing to ask for forgiveness for their slander. They were willing to do so and I forgave them.

These are not the meetings that you anticipate when you sign up to be a pastor, but there are few moments more important in your ministry than these tense conversations.

Over the course of this series, I’ve reflected on a congregant’s responsibility, but pastors and leaders bear a responsibility to help congregants navigate departures well.

One friend wisely said, “I think the pastor needs to do his part in hearing the discord, attempt to reconcile, and when reconciliation is not the solution for continued membership, to ensure a good relocation.” She’s right. Here are six ways a leader should respond to those who are leaving:

4 Questions to Ask When You Shop for a Church

4 Questions to Ask When You Shop for a Church

After Angel and I were married, we moved to Phoenix, a town new to both of us. We began a several-month-long journey of finding a church that would be repeated again in two-and-a-half years when we moved to New Jersey. I have vivid memories of both church shopping experiences: of the sweet little Anglican church in Phoenix where we were the youngest in attendance by at least four decades and mobbed afterward by kindly congregants who begged us to stay for coffee and cookies; of the 1,000 square foot church on the Jersey shore where our friends and we doubled the size of the congregation and the accompaniment was played by means of a 1980s style boom box which the pastor turned around to push the button at the beginning and end of every song.

It wasn’t long ago that the idea of having more than one church in your lifetime would have been completely foreign. Virtually the entire world died where they were born and rarely left their hometown.[i] In contrast, the average US citizen today is expected to move 11.4 times in his or her lifetime.[ii] Even if you never leave a church for another reason, you will most likely look for a church roughly a dozen times in your life.

Shopping Well

No one likes to church shop.[iii] I certainly hope you don’t enjoy church shopping. Church shopping is a dangerous activity. By its very nature, it places the shopper in the position of being an observer and a critic and not a participant and member. The faster you can shift from critic to member, the healthier it will be for you spiritually and the healthier it will be for the body of Christ.

And yet, sometimes it is necessary. When you look for a church, here are four questions you should ask.

This Week's Recommendations

This Week's Recommendations

1. Everything is Broken: Alana Newhouse considers why “flatness” and “frictionless” created a broken culture. You’ll have to stick with her and she puts the pieces together, but the payoff is worth it. She opines, “So, instead of reflecting the diversity of a large country, these institutions have now been repurposed as instruments to instill and enforce the narrow and rigid agenda of one cohort of people, forbidding exploration or deviation—a regime that has ironically left homeless many, if not most, of the country’s best thinkers and creators.”

2. 5 Ways Judgmental Christians are Killing Your Church: Carey Niewhof on just how serious an issue judgmentalism is, and how to foster the opposite. He shares, “Humility, by contrast, fosters empathy. It says ‘I’m like you. I get that. Maybe we can help each other.’ Many people would run to that.”

3. The Onliest Way: Glenna Marshall considers the challenge of telling the good news and the pressing reality of Jesus, “the onliest way.”

4. Homecoming: You’ll want to read this lovely reflection on adoption.

5. Understanding Why Jesus isn’t Praying to Himself: Helpful video from Red Pen Logic explaining the “who’s” and the “what’s” of the Trinity.