Counseling

Wickedness and Unhealed Trauma

Wickedness and Unhealed Trauma

Trauma is everywhere. One in four women and one in six men will be sexually abused. At least one in seven children have experienced abuse or neglect in the past year. More than one in four abused and neglected children will later abuse their own children.

Psychological research continues to demonstrate the tentacle-like nature of the impact of trauma. Effects include dissociation, panic attacks, hyperarousal, loss of sleep, low self-esteem, grief, self-harm, suicidal ideation, and substance abuse.

Why Would I Go to Counseling?

Why Would I Go to Counseling?

I’ve missed more annual well-checks to the doctor than I’ve made. It seems like a waste of time to tell the doctor that I’m not experiencing any physical difficulties, have him check my blood pressure only to confirm it is within the healthy range, and then pay on my way out the door for what I already knew.

Most of us feel the same way about counseling. Why would I go to a counselor unless things are falling apart?

There is a grain of truth in this impulse. Under normal circumstances, we should have layers of relationships that support us. Ideally, we have a strong network of godly Christian friends with whom we are transparent and who tell us hard truths. Ideally, we have mentors and pastors in our lives who we can seek out and who will speak encouragement and exhortation to us. Unfortunately, few of us have both godly friends and mentors.

Even those who do would still be blessed to have a good counselor in their lives.

Need a Book for the Pool?

Need a Book for the Pool?

Summer is here! Looking for some good books to dive into this summer? Here are some of my favorite books I’ve read over the first half of this year that I think you’ll love.

What I Read in 2021 (and Maybe What You Should Read in 2022)

What I Read in 2021 (and Maybe What You Should Read in 2022)

I’ve been able to hit the 100-plateau of books the past few years. This year I read 111 books (the symmetry of that number made me smile). If you wonder how I read that much, this post might help spur you on and provide some practical pointers in your reading journey in 2022. I love reading for many reasons. It’s a gift to be in conversation with a multitude of wise voices, to be invited into the imaginative worlds of some of the best minds of our time, and to grow in empathy and understanding as I step into the shoes of those very different from myself.

I love the gift of reading books with friends. Most of the books I read are recommended by friends and I love it when friends read a book I recommend. If you read any of the books recommended below, I would love to hear what you think. And I would love to hear what your favorite books of 2021 were. If you want fuller reviews on any of the books listed above or just want to connect on an ongoing basis about reading, I encourage you to friend me on Goodreads.

Let me start with my three favorite books of 2021, and then we will get to the rest of the action:

Why the Enemy Wants You to Think You’re Alone

Why the Enemy Wants You to Think You’re Alone

“I’m sure no one has ever told you this.”

“It’s so bad. You are going to think terrible things about me.”

“Everyone would hate me if they knew what I was thinking.”

“There is no one who loves me for me.”

I’ve heard each of these helpless words from those who sat on the couch in my office. They are raw, vulnerable, and heartbreaking confessions. The words leak hearts’ crippling loneliness and fears that they are destined to remain alone.

I’ve been there. Discouragement spiraled into depression. I multiplied my angst by entangling myself in sin. I didn’t think anyone would understand. I was too afraid to ask anyone for help. Lies compounded sin.

I remember sitting on the other side, watching my wife Angel slide into depression and then sin. It was debilitating to watch her slip into darkness, and I didn’t know how to get help. I felt frozen. I felt as though there was a layer of me no one would ever know. These were all lies. But they were powerful lies.

Satan traffics in lies. He wants you to believe that God is not good, that you are alone, and that your shame can never be removed. Those are all profound deceptions. In 1 Peter 5:8, we are reminded to “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” Don’t be deceived, Peter says; you have to fight to stay out of the enemy’s jaws. There is one who intends to destroy you.

This Week’s Recommendations

This Week’s Recommendations
  1. He Would’ve Come With Me: This is a beautiful story about how God can change hearts. He reflects, “It was, for me, one of the more miraculous heart changes I had ever seen. I remember thinking to myself, “If God can change this old man’s hatred toward Muslims, and replace it with love, well then maybe I’m not crazy for thinking God can change Muslims’ hearts as well.”

  2. Prioritize Your Church: Brent McCracken shares The Gospel Coalition’s heart that its readers would commit to the local church. He says as much as they want you to read their articles, they urge you theirs is something they want you to do far more. “But honestly, there’s an action we’d invite you to take that’s more vital to your spiritual health than almost anything you could click on (including here). What’s the action I’m talking about? Be committed to a church.”

  3. In the Beginning There Were No Canyons: I love this parable from Tim Challies with deep truths about our hearts and suffering. Here he describes the moment canyons were made, “So the Master spoke to the Skies and in an instant a great bolt of lightning leapt from the heavens to the earth, striking the Prairie with a heavy blow. The Prairie cried out in agony and for a long while mourned the gaping, jagged gash that had been left upon it—a deep, charred scar that contrasted sharply with the bright grasses and vivid flowers around. “Why, Master?” it sobbed in bewildered sorrow.”

  4. Jesus isn’t Scared of My Suffering: Bethany Barnard shares the story of her struggle with severe OCD and depression. Make sure you watch her music video as well. She concludes, “The hurdles of traumatic circumstances, doubt, and mental-health struggles no longer feel disqualifying to me as a Christian. They are an irreplaceable grace he gives to reveal his heart to us.”

  5. Magically Turning Into a Banana: This guy’s videos are fun.

This Week’s Recommendations

This Week’s Recommendations
  1. Rejection that Cuts Deep: Kath Thomas with a heartbreaking reflection on their son. She begins, “I have come to believe that rejection and separation from your child is one of the most painful experiences to carry. Seven months ago, my eldest son decided he could no longer have any connection with his family. That night we were in shock, we didn’t get to ask the questions we wished we had before he left, and even now, still don’t really know why he chose this path.”

  2. She is Broken, and She is Beautiful: I love this reflection on the church by Glenna Marshall. It begins with tragedy, “The phone rang before dawn that cold, January day. There’s never a good reason for calls so early; my heart pounded when I answered the phone. A dear church member was on the other end, her voice thick with tears and panic. Her husband died unexpectedly in the night. It was difficult to wrap my mind around this sudden news.”

  3. The Compromise of Sexual Ethics: Brent McCracken explores what has many Christians changing their ideology around sexual ethics. He begins, “Every week it seems new CCM stars, former Christian celebrities, or Christian college graduates announce “evolving” beliefs on Christianity—how their “deconstruction” journey is leading them to reconsider or abandon faith tenets they once believed.”

  4. How to Listen Well: This seems like such a simple thing, but it’s so important—especially in today’s world. Gem and Alan Fadling conclude, “The practice of listening can teach us to slow down inside, to focus our thoughts, to be humble and defer to others as they share. Listening can help us learn that we do not always have to be “on” or fix other people. The Lord Himself is working His own processes in each of our lives.”

  5. Meet Baby Olivia: A powerful 3-D graphic video of life developing in the womb.

How to Deal with Intrusive Thoughts: What Scripture Says

How to Deal with Intrusive Thoughts: What Scripture Says

Our thoughts are important. Our minds are a factory of thoughts, some intentional, some not intentional. We strategize, reflect, and ruminate. And sometimes we experience intrusive thoughts, those thoughts that pop into our mind and can feel out of our control.

Recently on vacation I was snorkeling and my mind produced the thought: what if a tiger shark is trailing you right now? My head whipped backward to see if the intrusive thought was a premonition. It wasn’t. Harmless fish schooled behind me.

Our intrusive thoughts can feel overpowering at times. How do we navigate them? Last week we considered three questions to ask ourselves when we experience intrusive thoughts.

Those were:

Is there something different about the season I am in?

Does my personality lend itself to more frequent intrusive thoughts?

Why am I having this intrusive thought?

These questions help us frame the intrusive thoughts and consider how we ought to treat them: are they flagging the presence of stress in our lives? Are they indicators of a battle with compulsive tendencies? Do they reveal sin in our hearts?

Today, let’s press into scripture and consider how to be proactive with our minds.

How to Deal with Intrusive Thoughts: Four Questions to Ask

How to Deal with Intrusive Thoughts: Four Questions to Ask

You’ve had it happen to you, haven’t you? That thought that jumps into your head, seemingly out of nowhere?

You’re driving along a winding mountain highway and you imagine what would happen if you yanked the steering wheel to the right: what would the crash look like? How would you tumble down the mountain?

Sometimes thoughts are born out of our curiosity. Other times intrusive thoughts enter that are born out of our hearts. We stew on our mistreatment from a colleague or friend and we imagine how we could put them in their place. We imagine harassing them, embarrassing them, even humiliating them.

Part of being a fallen human being is to have intrusive thoughts. An intrusive thought is a thought that enters our mind un-summoned. They might be morbid (imagining our death), violent (imagining injuring someone else), or sexual (imagining a sexual experience). Different people experience intrusive thoughts with different regularity. Different seasons of our lives can increase intrusive thoughts.

How do we deal with these thoughts? Let’s navigate four questions to ask ourselves when we experience intrusive thoughts. Next week we will consider some biblical wisdom on navigating these thoughts.