Counseling

This Week's Recommendations

This Week's Recommendations
  1. Signet, wax, and fireChris Martin considers a powerful analogy, “If we simply hammer our hearts with the truth of God’s Word over and over, our hard hearts will either be imprinted with some shallow facsimile of Truth or be cracked by its overwhelming weight.”

  2. The path away from pornography: Chris Hutchinson shares, “There is no “formula” for getting free from pornography: each person, and their situation, is unique. At the same time, just as sexual sin operates in certain patterns, so I’ve witnessed common patterns in the way the Lord breaks people free from its chains.”

Our Rescue Story

Our Rescue Story

“What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?” It is not that Thomas doesn’t believe marriage can be a source of joy, but that we ask too much if we ask marriage to bring us our “happily ever after.” Joy will likely trail holiness if we make that the main aim in marriage, but if we aim at happiness, we will miss both happiness and holiness.

 Angel and I can testify to how fragile marriage is. In the summer of 2009, our marriage began unraveling after my first three years of pastoral ministry—years I neglected Angel for my mistress, the church.

What To Do When I Can't Feel

What To Do When I Can't Feel

“I’m not sure how to explain how I’m feeling.” I’ve heard a variation of this phrase dozens (probably hundreds) of times in my office, predominantly by men. They look down into the well of emotion and all they see is blackness. Others struggle with the ability to identify their emotions beyond angry or happy. Some people feel disconnected or indifferent toward others or in response to events. Emotionally numb people may struggle with expressing outwardly what is felt inwardly.

If you see yourself or a loved one in this description, you might be recognizing emotional numbness.

Emotional numbing is an understandable response to protect ourselves from pain. It can arise from trauma or simple emotional neglect.

Would You Forgive Me for My Narcissism?

Would You Forgive Me for My Narcissism?

In the ancient myth, the hunter Narcissus was acclaimed for his beauty. Many sought Narcissus romantically, but he spurned them all. One day on a hunt, Narcissus paused to rest by a pool of water, stooping for a drink, he caught sight of his own reflection. He fell in love with his reflection and stayed by the pool staring at himself for the rest of his life.

 

The American Psychiatric Association defines narcissistic personality disorder as, “a pattern of need for admiration and lack of empathy for others. A person with narcissistic personality disorder may have a grandiose sense of self-importance, a sense of entitlement, take advantage of others or lack empathy.” Do you have some narcissism in you? I do.

Could God Do __?

Could God Do __?

“I don’t even know why we’re here. Nothing is going to change.” I’ve heard those words many times in counseling sessions. And I’ve felt those words from the empty eyes, the rigid shoulders, and the dropped heads of those I have counseled.

Who is it that you don’t believe can change? Your boss? Your employee? Your friend? Your son or daughter? Your spouse? Yourself?

Who have you given up on?

Be honest. You’ve probably given up on someone somewhere. You know what the theological term is for not having hope for someone? For giving up on them? Damning. That’s right. When you lose hope in someone you’re damning him.  

How to Waste Your Counseling

How to Waste Your Counseling

I forgot that I knew him. Our pre-marital counselor sat behind his oak desk with a large smile peeking out from under his white mustache. His gentle eyes reassured me. Angel and I slid into the love seat, facing him. It was my first counseling session. Angel’s, too. We were here for pre-marital counseling.

How To Battle Lust

How To Battle Lust

Sexuality saturates our culture. The human heart, already an engine inclined toward malformed desires, has plenty of fuel available via the internet alone to propel it toward disaster. How can we remain pure in a world bent on dragging us into impurity?   

I Hope your Advent is In Tents

I Hope your Advent is In Tents

Our girl arrived home for Christmas last night. Everything feels better when we are all together. Camille headed off to college in Southern California this fall, and we have felt her absence. We missed her laugh, her hugs, and her quiet presence in the house, crafting on a quiet Sunday afternoon. But now she’s home! My heart swells to be able to squeeze her, to wake her up with a kiss on the forehead, to listen to her laugh at my dad jokes. Even in an era where we have technology like Facetime, there is nothing like being face-to-face. I feel joy to worship with her this Christmas Eve and look forward to having our family whole, enjoying cinnamon rolls and coffee in our pajamas on Christmas day, unwrapping one another’s gifts, and squeezing each other in thanks.

God concurs.

What I Read in 2022 (and perhaps some books you might want to read in 2023)

What I Read in 2022 (and perhaps some books you might want to read in 2023)

How much would you pay to meet your favorite celebrity? $100? $1,000?? $10,000??? The number isn’t insignificant, is it? Listening to the stories and wisdom from those we trust is worth quite a bit, isn’t it?

This year Angel and I worked hard to bring our first co-written book entitled Substitute Identities to publication. Right now it is in the hands of our publisher’s copy editor, and we can’t wait to share it with you. The process of pouring our hearts into this book makes me reflect on just what gifts books are. While we might be willing to pay exorbitant sums to sit at the feet of the world’s best thinkers, it only takes $10-$20 to listen to these spinners of tales. Isn’t that amazing?

So, however many books you read in 2022, maybe you might be blessed to read a few more in 2023, and perhaps some of my favorites might point you to a few gems.

In 2022 so far, I’ve read 110 books and hope to read a handful more before the year closes. I’ve been blessed to read a wide variety of good books this year. I’ll begin with my four favorite books of 2022, followed by the entire list of books I read. I hope you find some gems for you in this.

How Hard is Your Heart?

How Hard is Your Heart?

You can tell a good piece of fruit or vegetable by its color and by its feel. The avocado might be the trickiest one I know. A novice might think that a bright green, hard avocado is the best, but counter-intuitively, the best avocados are dark, with shades of brown, giving easily to the touch. The heart of a growing Christian also gives easily to the touch.

No one comes to see a counselor or pastor to talk about their problems not wanting success, but the state of our hearts so often resists the very thing we want. A soft heart can turn my mediocre counsel into pearls of wisdom. A hard heart will turn the wisest counsel ever offered into sawdust.